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female
age
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*onnie123
writes:I'm newly back on the dating scene and am very confused.Met a guy I really like and though it has only been a month it has got intense very quickly. He pushed it more than me and we have seen a lot of each other, spending every weekend together since we met. Seemed very genuine, explained he had been hurt and messed around before etc but has now told me he thinks he needs a little space and we should not see each other for a bit? Thinks it is not healthy that we are so physically obsessed with each other? Surely this is natural at the start of a relationship? Also he was the one that made it clear from the outset that he wanted a relationship not a fling, talking of a future. I know it was not a device used to try to push a physical relationship as I was more than willing.Anyone have any insight as I feel very hurt now? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): What is unhealthy here is YOUR obsession with him,given the short length of time you have known him. If you are recently out of a relationship,this is how you are,then you have a fear of not having a partner. I would suggest seeking some help before anything. He may even find it quite scary. Its like crying out for a partner and giving yourself both mentally and sexually so quick is no guarantee to make someone love you.It would be interesting to know if your previous relationship was love in the first instance for you? If this is so,I would question if you have ever really loved anyone to its true word. To profile this kind of disorder is often linked to jealousy and a tendency to cheat when the honeymoon period ends.Denial,and blaming others for their behavior. Get help before it gets out of hand.
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female
reader, Bonnie123 +, writes (14 August 2010):
Bonnie123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll the answers make sense given the info I provided but I'm not convinced it is the full story. He has continued to txt me though is reluctant to see me. Suggests it and then backs away again. He had panic attacks and problems for a number of years and felt he'd sorted it all out several years ago but admits he lives in a very controlled way, doesn't need to work & sees few people except immediate family. He is very particular about his routine, bordering on obsession, living within his own closed boundaries as he calls it in order to feel secure. If he gets tired or over wrought it exacerbates the feeling that he cannot cope hence the reference to our recent activities and my general sociability, vivaciousness etc. He says he could never be the partner I want or need, thought he was ready for a relationship but realised he cannot cope. I belive all this (there were clues whilst we were together) yet he was with a woman for 15 years on and off until 10 mths ago, they never lived together or married and she was very independant and he said she flitted in and out of his life when it suited her (guess I can now appreciate how she must have felt). Being a warm loving person my 1st instinct given the way I feel about him is to try and reassure, be there if he decides he wants me etc (at the moment..not!) but am I wasting my time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): As a male of a similar age to you,the words he is using more than likely mean,I`m letting you down gently so no drama please,hold on we`ve only known each other 5 minutes,dont really like you that much, or do you mind the odd no strings encounter?
In any case,whatever he means,he`s saying all i wanted was fun and you are getting a bit carried away. Commitment is not part of the bargain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): You are newly back to the dating scene? You have just come out of a long relationship or recently separated? Follow the advice of the rest who posted here. You may be feeling alone as you are used to being part of a couple. Be very careful not to appear to desperate or easy. Often,having sex so soon and as you say,more than willing is likely to give the guy the impression that its all youre good for. Most guys wont go the full distance with a woman who`s easy virtue. He will ask his self if thats what you do everytime someone compliments you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): You dont know him,you are feeling used,you could just be lonely. Why dont you learn and maybe dont give it away so quick or you will find a lot more of this will happen.
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 Sorry but you are more into him than he is into you. I suspect he has had his fun and now wants to move onto greener pastures.
Let this one go, start dating others, and as one Agony Aunt says, dont sleep with them so soon...
Good luck
Honeygirl
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): I'm male. If using his reason i assure you that he isnt as physically obsessed as the picture you have built up or he would be there with hands all over you. Move on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): If you get involved so easily why not stay single until you sort out why.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): I think you could be on the road to being hurt. I would try and forget him and class it as a mistake.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): He isnt physically obsessed. He would be with you otherwise. He's had his fun and he's probably looking for his next challenge.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): He doesnt seem keen,if he was he would see you. Youre kidding yourself. Dont make a fool of yourself. If you have just come out of a relationship dont allow someone to take advantage of your vulnerability.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Sorry to say this,but he`s not as much into you as you believe he is. If he was then you wouldnt be posting this. He will be back when he`s got nothing better to do.
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reader, Black diamond20  +, writes (13 August 2010):
He doesnt want a relationships hes been hurt so hes all about getting back at the enemy(women)sex is all he want from women now its only been a month dont feel down date more than one person and dont sleep with them so soon just browse look sround you will feel better just go on dates you will find some :)..ps..good luck!
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