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female
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*utrightconfused
writes: My boyfriend and I cannot seem to work out many of our issues or come to a compromise because we both think we haven't done anything wrong. I believe that his recent anger problem (mean tone of voice and insults and sarcasm) is hurting our relationship.. and he believes that I'm a liar, a pessimist, and a hypocrite. I announced that we need a break. Once again, he does not agree and said that I need to change for our relationship to survice or we break up. Black or white! I don't believe I am lying and I am pretty insulted by his anger. We've tried therapy and he pushes all the solutions in my direction as if I'm the one always messing up. Another insult! I don't know what to do. We live together in a one bedroom/1 bathroom apt. We have a cat together. We have furniture together. If we split up, we each have no where to go (our friends and family have no room). I can't afford our apt on my own. What do I do?
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female
reader, Ask Mel +, writes (21 July 2006):
 Dear outrightconfused,
It is quite clear that there are large problems in this relationship. It appears to me that your boyfriend has underlying problems which he either can't fix or is making him feel inapted which inturn is causing his mood swings. Try sitting him down for a chat and ask if their are any problems at home(family),work etc. If this fails suggest that he see's your therapist on his own perhaps he would find this easier to do.
Living together in such a small apartment could also be leading to your arguments, perphaps you both need somewhere that you can let off steam on your own.
It appears that your boyfriend does not want to break up or he would have not attended therapy with you, but remember you do not need to change for anyone. If the problem does not improve soon, talk to your family about it. I am sure if you needed somewhere to stay they would be the last people to turn you away.
Finally, I hope everything turns out the way you want it to, but if not move on, you have your whole life in front of you. ENJOY IT!!!!!!!!!
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