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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm a single mum to my 5 year old daughter. I have raised her on my own since she was born and I have been on my own since her father left me. I joined a dating site but I've found a lot of guys don't like the idea of a 23 year old with a 5 year old, so I gave up on talking to guys because it had really put me off.One of the girls I work with insisted on setting me up with one of her boyfriend's workmates, who I had met once or twice but just in passing. She actually told him that she thought we would make a good couple and he sent me a message on Facebook telling me so, and from that we started chatting pretty much every night. I've really started to like him, although I have made it clear to him that I don't want to start anything because I didn't want to start something and then he decides he doesn't want a girlfriend with a child. He is 2 years younger then me as well so that makes it difficult.His family are also rather upper class and once or twice I have felt like his parents look down on me. For example, my daughter and I went to his parents anniversary party last month as his guests and his family repeatly insisted on telling people I was just his friend and he is very much single. His mother spoke to me on the evening and told me that she didn't think I should have taken my daughter as no one knew us and it's strange enough I'd come. Which I do understand but her son had been asking for a while and I couldn't get a sitter and he ensured me it would be okay. With all of this said, my daughter loves him. I only introduced them at a bbq we both went to and my daughter understands he is just mummy's friend. He always asks after her when we talk, he always thinks about places she would enjoy too when he takes me out and he has looked after her if I have needed a sitter. (This only happened twice when I was ill.) I really like him, the physical attraction is there, we get on really well, always have fun and he really understands my daughter comes first but I'm really worried about taking the next step. He has recently began to ask me why we can't be more then friends and my friend who introduced us says he thinks I don't like him like that. I don't believe he would hurt us but I'm worried as I haven't been in a relationship since I became a mum. It's been nearly 6 years since I have had anyone pay me attention like this. Is this just nerves or am I right in thinking there isn't any point in starting a relationship when I have these doubts?
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (12 October 2015):
 I'd be more concerned about the mother.She sounds rude, offensive and of the 'meddling' type. Perfectly natural to be feeling cautious, not just for your own being but for the welfare of your child. Without taking the time to discuss your concerns upfront and honest with him, will eventually result in him moving on. Sooner rather than later since he already has the impression that you are not really interested anyway.
I think it would be wise to keep him from being anything more than, mummy's friend for a long while yet. Kids aren't silly, they can sometimes see what adults can't because they are swept up in all the excitement of a new romance. Should things not turn out as planned, are just hurt as anyone else.
Think about what is important and how you want, more importantly need as far as your child is concerned, things to progress. Maybe even suggest he take some time to decide exactly what it is he wants and whether he fully understands his role and responsibility when it come to your child, when and if the time comes. If he is happy to move forward then you can set some boundaries from there.
And for what it's worth, being a parent is tuff. Even tuffer when you are young and on your own. Don't let anyone feel as though they have the right to be looking down their nose at you. Upper class in no way makes you a better person. I hope things turn out for you. All the best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2015): It's good that you re being cautious. You went through a lot in your 23 years ? Being a single mom is very difficult. I raised my daughter without a father also, but I had huge help from my family. My grandparents were in their 60s at the time, and helped me a lot by babysitting twice a week, so I could go to college. My parents every single weekend were taking care of my daughter so I could study or do errands. Also my ex's parents took her once a month for the weekend, and his grandparents would take my daughter once In a while to different places. I could even date a little, and go out sometimes with friends on weekends. Hope you have a little help also from your family. But going back to your question. It's good to be cautious, but it's not good to be affraid. If you are going to be affraid to start a relationship then nothing will ever happen. The guy seems like a nice person, he doesn't pressure youi to sex, invites you to major family celebration. By the way his mother is an ass, and should learn some manners not to tell a guest at her house that she should not come . I would give it a shot. If you need more time to wait with sex, then do it. It's always good to wait and get to know each other better.
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