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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My loving, kind, generous, supportive ("perfect") boyfriend of 2.5 years that I believed I would spend my life with, came to me distraught on Sunday as the night before he thinks he slept with someone. He was at his housemate’s birthday party at his own house (I had a very old friend over from Australia just for that weekend so choose not to go) and a random female friend of a friend asked to crash out somewhere, he said she could sleep in his bed, he would take the couch. He barely remembers anything but vaguely remembers being woken up, being told he had been sick all over the couch and pushed to his bedroom. She was under the covers and he then thinks he snuggled up to her and thinks they had sex. He can't really remember much but flashes and images, but knows he said he had to stop but can't remember if he then did. He is devastated and horrified, and I am still in shock. It never ever ever crossed my mind that he could do this (he doesn't even flirt with other women) and I feel like something is broken. I know there were exceptional circumstances, and I mostly believe him as our relationship has always been based on trust and honesty and he came straight to me the next day and told me everything. I still love him but after my last boyfriend cheated on me (and lied, and did it again) I swore I would never ever let a man do this to me again. I am also gutted and disgusted that this has ruined our “perfect” relationship. My sister thinks he is worth forgiving, and I *think* I want to stay with him as everything has been so good up till now but don’t know if I can really truly ever get over it – help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): do you know what an alcoholic is? they have this "blackouts" sometimes. Research it and make your own decision.
You know in your heart he cheated and he's making a weak excuse as to why he did it. Alcoholic or not, they KNOW exactly what they are doing... don't go down with them. Remember the pain from your last cheating bf? well hun, this is the same!
Wish you lots of courage to look at your situation with clarity and above all that you could allow yourself to listen to that little voice that is making you doubt his character and your sister, hence ask the question in this board. That little voice my friend, is your lifesaver... what are you gonna chose to do? listen or not?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): If you really believe what he tells you about what happened then I think it's worth trying to forgive him. Make it clear that it may be difficult and that he needs to do everything he can to help the two of you get the relationship back on track.
You may come to the conclusion that it can't be saved in time, but you won't know until you try. Lots of people can't get over things like this, but lots of people can - and often find that it makes the relationship stronger. (In fact 'Relate' syas it's about 65% work it out).
It may be tough but if you really love someone I think they deserve a second chance.
Good luck...
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