A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So this summer I started seeing a friend of mine. He always had a girlfriend but we always spoke when we were out. One way to describe him is.. think of the nicest guy in the world- that's this guy! And it was no wonder why we were friends. Then one night, we ran into each other randomly (he was newly single but for some reason I thought he had been single for a while) and we didn't stop laughing. Even my friend saw something in us. We both saw something there. We started seeing each other that week, he took me out on a date and we spoke every night for a couple of hours. Out of the blue, I asked him when he was last in a relationship and he said about a week before he ran into me, he ended things with the girl. I didn't want to be some rebound and I expressed that to him. And he understood and even though he said he didn't feel like I was just some rebound girl, he didn't want me to feel like that and we would take things slow. He said when we hung out that night, he didn't want to lose the opportunity with me and asked me out on a date. He knew that if he told me right away that he ended things with his ex, I wouldn't go on a date with me. We saw each other for 2 months, no sex- just talking and making out. That was it. We spoke every night for a couple of hours till the very end. It ended when he knew he saw me as a girlfriend and knew that it would be foolish to jump into another relationship so soon. I agreed. And although he wanted to keep seeing me I thought it would be better to cut off all contact until he was ready. We communicate really well. And I know and I understand what he's going through. And he understands why we shouldn't keep talking.The thing is - he calls me about every 2 weeks. I spoke to him the first time, but when he called again, I didn't want to talk. I don't want him to think that I'll always be around. If he wants to be single, that's fine... but don't have your cake and eat it too. Am I doing the right thing? Also, do you think one day in the future we can rekindle what we had?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): Yes, I think you did do the right thing. If your always available for him, he will take you for granted. In the end, guys like to feel like they are pursuing something special. All the other girls, whi give it up easily, who you may be friends with and sometimes do sexual stuff with if they happen to be there - we tend to think of them differently, we don't take them seriously. It's just too easy.
If you put a high value on yourself, so will he. And if he doesn't, he's not the one. On the other hand, if your always available, if he can always call you and have the chance for sex, he will never really think of you in that special way you want
A
male
reader, jimrich +, writes (21 September 2010):
re: Also, do you think one day in the future we can rekindle what we had?
...Yes. It just takes a little relationship knowledge and skills
google: relationship tips
good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): The best thing to do is tell him how you feel. Honesty is generally the best policy, and especially where feelings are concerned. You said you have fantastic communication, so it'll be easier than for most; just tell him that you feel very strongly for him and would like to pursue a relationship, and that you feel confused by his mixed messages. Avoid any sort of emotional blackmail, and just state it simply and truthfully. All you want is the truth right? I can't tell what he's thinking; I don't know him. He may be simply respecting your wishes in not being a rebound girl; or he may genuinely want to enjoy being single while having a couple of solid fallbacks (i.e. you and his ex) just in case; perhaps he really is still with his ex-girlfriend and is playing you on the side. The only way you can find out is straight from the horse's mouth.Ultimately, though, you can't control or change another person. You can't change the fact that his ex was a big part of his life for a long time, and that he may still naturally have feelings for her, but you can change and control yourself. Give him some space, let him talk to the answering machine (or, if you feel ready to consider him only as a friend until things progress, you), and preoccupy yourself with something else. Take up a sport or a hobby, preferrably one that gets you out of the house and away from the phone and the internet; if you need to, delete his number from your phone so that you aren't tempted to do anything rash. Most importantly, remain cool, calm and elegant and you'll have him chasing after you. Be completely honest and open with how you feel, and ask that he do the same. Build up a friendship if you feel ready, otherwise steer clear and spend some time getting to know you.
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A
male
reader, promiker +, writes (21 September 2010):
Well it kind of sounds like he is still going out with that other woman but you cant tell right? What I would do is just call him up maybe 2 or 3 times a week in just say hey whats up. See how he is doing in such. Kind of sounds like this one girl I meet she was going out with a guy for 8 yrs then she left him for me. But yeah just take it slow dont get to much in it yet. I wish I would have with her.
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