A
female
age
41-50,
*eeses_pieces
writes: During the summer when i was 13 i was asked for my phone number by an older boy when while i was at the pool with mu best friend. i shocked myself because i gave him my phone number and i never did that before. When he called we both found out info about each other. Like how i was 13 and he was 17, And how me and his sister was in the same grade and how we did really like eachother , and he also found out that i was a "goodie goodie" that some would call a nerd or a dork. So it wasn't long before he stopped talking to me. In june of 2009 i heard about this dating line that you could meet people from. So i called it and i signed up for it and made a mailbox. I listened to all the male greeting and alot of them did not intrest me. They either was perverted or they sounded like they gave to much info about themself that it sounded kinda spooky. Then i heard this one greeting and all this guy said was " im not into drama and i'm just looking for a friend and whatever happens happens". I was like finally a normal sounding person. I did't leave a message at first but something just kept telling me to leave a message so later that night i did. The next day i got a reply to my message with his number. I called him a week later. When we talked he told me his real name but i told him a fake name. We both were able to carry a conversation with each other and it didnt feel like we were talking to a stranger even though thats what we were really doing.From the start of our conversation we knew we were from the same city so we both was trying to figure out if we knew each other. By the second day we talked with the info we both talked about we realized that we knew eachother and he was the one that asked for my number when i was 13. It shocked me to hear him tell me exactally what i was wearing at the pool. Then we both realized we live 3 mins from eachother. That weekend we ended up meeting eachother for drinks. I am not 26 and he is 30. We clicked with eachother from as soon as we hugged eachother and said " whats up stranger ". We were able to talk to eachother so we vented about out problems. So i knew about his baby mama drama and he even told me his biggest secret that no one knows. Then he started to make comment about how he wants me to meet his family and how he wants to bring me home because he thinks " im so cool to be around". I reminded him about how his sister hates me and he told me he didnt care. So between june and now that would be 10 months. We became the best of friends. We laugh, sing, and cry with eachother. We could tell eachother anything. We brought me to his house once or twice. He's been over my house alot. He has met my family and he talks with them when hes around them. He brings me out when he goes out with his boys and cousins and brother in law. We fool around with eachother when ever we hang out but we only had sex once and that was 2 weeks ago. This is before we had sex. He started to throw me lines about how he meets other girls all the time and im so different compared to them. And lines about how i treat him the way he wants to be treated without him even telling me how. He asked me " What if one day i said lets go and get married, Would you say yes and marry me "? While we are at the cousins house he would tell his cousin how im so different and how hes going to marry me. Then when we go to bars. He started hanging all over me and he would make it known to every one in the bar that i was his wifey. He even shouted to the bartender in front of everyone " make sure my wife gets whatever she wants and shes okay ". But while hes doing all of this and saying all of this stuff he will tell me who he thinks is hot in the bar. He would tell me about his first 3 some. He would tell me that he tried to go bad to his baby mama and tried to make it work. And now after we had sex. He'll call me and if im busy with my own plans he'll call me every 10 mins asking me if im going meet up with him then he'll call right back and tell me hes going to pick me up from where ever i am. then he made a comment about how hes going to start doing unexpected thing like that so he would know if i am cheating on him or not. HELLO ... he is not even my boyfriend. Infact he told me that tonight. So this is what i need an answer to. Why is he telling everyone at the bar in the same city that we are both from that im his wife when he has his drama with his baby mama, and when he has other girls that hes having sex with, and we are both known by alot of people in this town. How can he tell me that he wants a relationship with me and he thinks of me so differently from those other girls when he tells me about this adventures with girls and he tells me who he wouldnt mind getting into there pants. I dont understand what he sees me as and what he wants from me. Dont get me wrong. To me we are friend so i dont mind him telling me his drama and this crazy thoughts about girls but its starting to get to me because i think hes starting to act different. O and fyi ... i keep my wall up with him because i know he can and will break my heart.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 I think he sees you as the Ultimate Friend With Benefits, one who is very convenient : compliant, supportive and low maintenance. No wonder that he gets controlling and shows anxiety at the idea of losing his place in your life :
do you really think he would find many many girls willing to put up with his baby mama drama, his various sex buddies, and the fond recollections of his first threesome ?.... This guy might perhaps pick and choose in terms of sexual escapades, but surely not in terms of more substantial relationships. And here it's where you fit in beautifully. Even the most superficial, shallow player has needs for support, companionship and approval. you give him all that and he does not need to give you anything back in terms of committment, or to make any change in his values, or adjustment in his schedule, for your sake.
He likes to have a female sidekick to go out and play.
Is there anything wrong with this "partners in crime "
kind of relationship. Of course not- it this is what you want, it's harmless fun. The problem is , it does not sound like this is what you really want at all. Otherwise, you would not worry about getting yr heart broken....
Btw, yr heart is a very precious thing to give away- if I were you, I'd try to keep mine for a different kind of guy...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): Hi, im only 16, so i dont feel that im im a position where i feel you should listen to my advice. but after reading what youve put, i just cant help thinking that hes playing with you and that its so obvious.
i just think that maybe you should tell him about it. i can tell you two are very good friends and taking it any further probably wouldnt be the best thing for you, considering his situation.
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A
female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (18 April 2010):
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think this guy has issues.
Sex would definitely have changed your relationship but you say a lot of this started before then...
I think that this guy doesn't know what he wants - my guess is that he wants you because you don't give him drama like his "baby mama" does. I think that he comes to you because you are a person he has never had problems with, a person that he is *always* in a good space with - you are heaven. But maybe you don't feel like reality to him and he is switching between being afraid to lose a good thing (i.e. you) and trying to push you away to see if you will stick around (i.e. testing you).
I think this guy is mad (forgive me) and you really really need to speak to him.
I know that some of my friends call each other husband & wife just because they are really good friends, but I don't think that is what is going on here.
Honestly this guy confuses me... :/
Would love to hear feedback/follow-ups on what happens here...
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