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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we've had some pretty rough times, like all couples. He's never taken me on a date or gotten me anything for Valentine's Day, my birthday, Christmas, etc. He tells me all the time that he loves me and is very affectionate. We get along really well. I don't know how to tell him that I expect these things without sounding materialistic. When it comes to these things I feel deprived because my friends get showered with gifts and little notes that just say "I love you." How should I tell him that this is bothering me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005): I have the same problem! My boyfriend of several years does not take me out on dates, never buys me gifts, and does not spend time with me on holidays. He truly does love me even if it may sound hard to believe to most people, and i truly do love him, but I get so frustrated! And yes, I shower him with gifts on all the special days and I often pay for things myself when we do go for the occassional bite to eat. My advice for both of us is: let your feelings be known to him, and let him know that you're NOT being materialistic, but that you need to feel special sometimes. Both parties in a relationship should go the extra mile every so often to make the other person feel really special. If things to not change, it may be time to try to move on. As difficult as that sounds, if we're not happy now, we will NEVER be happy in the future if things don't change. It can only go downhill because the bitterness builds and builds over time. We've both invested a lot of time in our relationships, but there ARE other people out there that may be a better match, as hard as it is the believe at this point. If your boyfriend doesn't try a little harder to show his love and appreciation, it may be time to find someone who will treat you the way you want.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): I know what you're talking about. As a guy, I provide my companion love, sex, consideration, and of course, all the little materialistic things too. I understand why you want all those things - like little stuff animals with tags "I love you", and maybe the occasional hand-made thing - eg: a poem complemented with some customized artwork he made for you, and maybe the occasional gift certificate to your favorite store. Awesome! Well, I suggest you indirectly tell him you want stuff - eg: your sister's boyfriend/husband did so and so for her, or your friend's husband/bf did so and so, etc, etc. Otherwise, just throw a half-comical fit and let him know you want a wee bit more. I'm not too experienced in giving this sort of advice to women, but I'm a guy who have given other guys similar advice - in a vice versa manner. So please excuse me if I'm a bit incoherent. 8[
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2005): Oh come on, now....
He doesn't buy you anything at Christmas? "He's never taken me on a date..." !!
Unless he is from a completly different culture, I dont think you two are dating. Sounds like you have just been having sex after a book club meeting.
Unless he is Unibomber, jr this is just not how dating occurs in Western soceity. Tell him I said this.
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (16 November 2005):
 Why is it bothering you? Is it because you want to tell your friends that he spoils you to? You are so lucky that you have such a loving, affectionate boyfriend, the material things probably dont matter to him so he doesnt think they would matter to you. Im not sure its a good idea to ask him for something. How would you feel if he bought you flowers the next day? Wouldnt you feel as though he was doing it just because you asked him to? Do you shower him with gifts? If not, this is a way of hinting that you want that done to you to. Maybe not spending any money, but making him a photo frame, taking him out, planning dates. Treat him how you would like to be treated. Guys like special things to. Best wishesx
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A
female
reader, Revhead +, writes (16 November 2005):
Do you buy him things on these special occasions? If so, STOP! Just stop it for a period of a year, and see if you get any response for your actions. I would give him some of his own treatment back, just to show him what it is like to be forgotton on these special occasions. I am sure that he won't appreciate being deprived on his special gifts. You are a special person and deserve to be treated like one. He loves you, but needs to show it also it other ways, other than sex..
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