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female
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*yrisez
writes: How do I leave my boyfriend/ father of my 2 children? My b-friend of almost 7 years and father of my 5 year old son and 18 month old daughter has lied to me too many times for me to count. Alot of the lies involve a girl that he "had" a crush on a while back. He hides phone numbers under other names from me and tells me he is going somewhere else when he is actually going to see her OR (this one really gets me) he sees her during his work hours so I won't think that hes doing anything but working. I call that 1 a lie of omission. He doesn't introduce me to any of his female friends and acquaintances, in fact he won't bring me anywhere that he goes that could accidentally cause a collision of those friends and myself.Here is the big problem though, I am a stay at home Mom, with no income of my own. My parents have passed away and I have no family other than my children. I can't afford to leave him, I have nowhere to go but it makes me sick to stay with him because I worry about how my children must perceive this. He swears he loves me and he doesn't treat me badly except that he lies constantly to me, so....He tells me he doesn't want me to go but I feel I have to before its too late for my children. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): PS: If he causes you to leave over this situation, he will regret it, and continue to hate himself for the rest of his life. No matter how he feels about her, he loves you and his children and I doubt that he will ever cheat and destroy the good life that you have built together. Take care of you, good luck. Whatever you decide to do, will be the best situation for you, and in the long run everything will turn out alright.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): Hi cyrisez,
This is a very difficult situation you find yourself in. It must be destroying your confidence and your self esteem. This constant lying, putting you aside and hiding you and your children from his friends, his feelings for his ex, all this must be driving you mad. He loves you, he dosen't treat you badly and he wants to stay with you, all this must count for something. Your first in his life, you are important to him. But that's no good when your stuck at home wondering what he and this girl is up to. He has decide to stay friends with her, and out of respect for you he has decided to hide any signs of her existance that might cause you to worry. This is no good, because now you worry about the hiding and the sneaking around instead.
Can you talk to him about how you feel. Can you tell him how much doubt his secret behaviour makes you feel. Can you demand to be introduced to his friends, can you get a babysitter and ask to go out with him and his friends. Is it possible for you to ask to meet this woman, maybe if you see her and talk to her, it may put your mind at rest.
At the end of the day, he is having an affair, but it's an emotional affair, not a physical one. Can he leave the job, can he tell her further contact is making you worry, and he refuses to do that. He dosen't want you to leave, but he has to do something, this situation is driving you mad, and destroying your relationship.
I'm sorry, this is poor advice, and probably no help at all. Only you know your partner, only you know yourself and how much more of this you can stand.
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A
male
reader, thelaw  +, writes (17 July 2008):
Hi there,
firstly I'm very sorry to hear of your problem, I can't imagine how hard for you this whole situation must feel. The first thing you should ask youself, is, (not trying to sound nasty) but forgetting your children, do you love him? If no then staying with him will be very detrimental to you and your children. If you do then you need to figure out what he's doing, is he just lying to hang out with female friends because he feels he can't tell you? Or is he cheating? If he is cheating in any way, my advice would be to leave, aside from hurting you it gives your children a bad example of relationships. I hope my limited 27 years experience on this planet helped you, keep your chin up :)
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