A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem with my bf of 5 months. We are both 18 years old. The other night a friend of mine was browsing one of my bf's profiles and noticed a comment from a girl which had a 3 (symbol for love heart online) in it. My friend then went to read what my bf previously wrote before that and he said the following line: "hey beautiful 3". My frined told me about it and i was devestated. I duno if I have to explain to you guys why it upset me or not, but i will quickly do just in case. It upsets me because he is calling another girl beautiful, and writing a love heart to her. She is not a family memeber, shes just a friend who lives in another state to us. It upset me soooo much because when he says those sorts of things to me, it made me feel special but now hes gona and said it to some other girl a few weeks ago. I confronted my bf, and he said he understood why I was upset. But he told me I had nothing to worry about cause he dosnt like her anymore then a friend. But thats not the point, the point is he thinks and even told another girl he thinks shes beautiful. His excuse for what he said was its 'just a way of greeting someone' and I said 'yeah a way of greeting someone in a very affectionate way' and he went on to say that it wasnt meant affectionatly, its just how he greeted her. He says he used ot greet everyone like that but then stoped, but she is one of the few people he still greets like that. He said he wont talk to any girls like that again, and I beleive him. But the thing is, even if he doesnt say it to anyone ever again, I now know that he thinks things like that and he has the feeling/need to say stufff like that. Whats done is done. He cant change the fact of what he did, and neither can I. I am now constantly paranoid and feeling insecure about what he thinks of other girls.I dont know what to do! Help! How do i get over it!Oh and to just add somethign else to the story, another thign that made me really angry and upset was not too long ago I had a really close guy friend, who I had been friends with for 1 and a half years. My bf was sooo jealous of our frnedship and how he spoke to me, affectionatly. I told my frend how it upset my bf and he stoped. Not only did he stop, he basicaaly stoped takling to me, trying to give me some space for the sake of my relationship with my bf. So now I have basicaly lost a good friend because of my bf. And for him to be all upset about my close guy frined talking to me that way but to talk like that to another girl is EXTREMELY hypocritical. So yes it makes me very mad for him to do that.I duno how to get over it. What should I do? What also makes it harder is that when I was talking to my bf his behaviour was extremely to different to normal. He coudlnt make eye contact with me, he was shaking and fidgiting with thigns. Those are signs of lieing, nervousness, or smeone who is not confident. He never behaves like that even when I have confronted him about other stuff. So for him to do this now makes me really worried. What do you guys think?
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female
reader, Miss_Oz  +, writes (28 June 2007):
 While he may feel that telling another girl she is beautiful is perfectly fine, there's no reason for you to find it acceptable. He most likely sees it as a friendly greeting, a simple sign of affection to a friend, an innocent comment. As he thinks this is the case he most likely won't understand why you, his girlfriend, are hurt by it, though your feelings are quite valid; you are not over-reacting. It hurts you to see the boy you love saying to another girl the same thing he tells you that makes you feel special. The fact that he had the same problem with a friend of yours does make him somewhat hypocritical. You went to your friend and asked him to stop his affectionate behaviour for the sake of your boyfriends feelings, which shows how much you care. You feel like he isn't showing you the same care by sending lovehearts and messages of that sort to a female friend. His reassurance that he and this online girl are just friends may be a bit understandably hard to believe if he is sending her messages of that sort; the fact that he feels any need to talk that way to another girl at all must be hurtful. As for the way he behaves when you confront him, it sounds like he's feeling very guilty over the whole thing; he may not be avoiding eye contact simply because he's lying but because he feels ashamed. You could say to him that you gave up a close friend for his sake and he should be willing to start talking to this other girl in a more appropriate manner. If he cares about you, he will respect your view on the matter and take your feelings into account more than his online friend's. Keep in mind that no matter what he thinks of other girls, he is with you because he wants to be. Good luck.
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