A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This might seem like a really egotistical question, and perhaps it is, but nonetheless it is something that bothers me.With every partner I've been with, I've always told them what I found attractive about them, from the beginning when you form the most superficial physical attraction, to the more intimate things you begin to notice about someone when you become close to them, to simply complimenting their outfit or the effort they put into their appearance. And I've always had that back in turn.With my current boyfriend - I NEVER get it. He calls me 'beautiful' as a nickname of sorts, but I honestly can't think of one specific compliment he's paid.I get dressed up pretty often when we go out - and I do mean dressed up, not in a trashy way - but other people will comment on how I look, but never him!Is is a huge red flag that my boyfriend never compliments me?It makes me feel ugly, when I know logically I'm not. I've never had any doubts about being attractive to the opposite sex before, until now!It makes me wonder how he looks at me, if he is never so 'wowed' that he feels the need to tell me. He's an expressive guy, and I'm not talking about the typical male act of overlooking a hair cut, it's been months of no compliments at all.He talks about us in a serious way and has made it clear he sees us as a long term thing, but this little niggling factor makes me wonder if I could really be in a relationship where I am never made to feel like there's anything special about me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): Think of all the special things he does for you. Are there any? Does he ever make you feel special by saying how much he loves you or by saying how happy you make him? Does he send you late-night texts saying he can't stop thinking about you?
Different people have different ways of expressing themselves. I know that with my boyfriend, he only very rarely drops that he thinks I'm pretty, but on the other hand, he and I share something so much bigger than compliments on physical appearances. Not a day goes by that he doesn't tell me he loves me, says he can't stop saying he loves me, texts me goodnight every single night, and when we kiss, we sometimes break apart just to smile at each other and look into each other's eyes.
If there is absolutely nothing that makes up for the compliments, then maybe you're looking at a problematic point. On the other hand, if you can't let go of the nagging need to be told you're beautiful even if he does a million other things that show he loves you, perhaps it's time to evaluate what your priorities are. Maybe he's just NOT the type of guy who is used to always telling his girlfriend she's gorgeous. Think about it - are there things your friends compliment their boyfriends on that you don't just because that's not you?
As a last-stand type of thing: Next time you get dressed up, ask him if he thinks you look nice. Be extra enthusiastic when he responds positively (which he will) and maybe that'll 'train' him in that respect.
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