A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:please i hope someone can help me and give me advice, i recently found something under mine and my boyfriends bed and also something else in the cubord in there which was stained in ,what looked like semen i asked my boyfriend what it could be and he told me he blows his nose on things when hes been drinking ect, i certainly did not believe that for one min, he swore blind he hasnt wanked behind my back as he has left me down stairs a few times and said he just couldnt wake me this coinsides with me finding these items,i know this may sound really stupid but because he does lie to me about a lot of things, ie he rang his ex a few months ago apparently just for a chat because we were arguing and he needed someone to talk to ,he only admitted it when the ex said she would prove he did by showing me her bill, thats when he had to admit it, i brought a test kit to see if it really was semen i told him n he said ok ill prove it aint ect ect, well ive just tested these things and its come up purple meaning possitive, i also tested something i know would not have semen on and it was neg so it was semen on these items why lie he swore blind on lives it would not be semen but i knew it was hes now saying its not thrugh wanking or cheating and wont admit to it, help, i feel really quite hurt that he keeps liying to me, he says hes not, and loves me so much and wants to get engaged but how can i when he lies so much about stuff this is hurting so much
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno im the one glad that im not the only one with this problem,i totally understand!its heartbreaking to know the man you love so much lies, i know what you mean when you say you feel you can trust him beocause he tells you stuff that you arent happy but i still think my man doesent do that obviously i dont know for sure but its just the feeling i get, even though he admitted to masurbating before he denys toing it still i havent found evidence that hes still doing it but i find myself looking under the bed in the cupboard behind the bedside unit just looking for the mess!! i hate the thought of it, i want to believe him but hes lied about things in the past and has sworn on lives that he isnt lying but ive later found out he was lying which destroyed me inside and held me back from trusting him, i need to let my barriers down but i just dont know how, well we can only hope they will open up to us, it would make life a lot easier
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I've got the exact same problem!My boyfriend and I are coming out of a rough patch- he used to lie about EVERYTHING to cover up/delay potential problems between us, and it meant that i got really insecure and controlling. That's gotten better now, and he says he doesn't lie any more, which i believe, because he tells me things which he could so easily lie about- things which although make me a bit sad that he's done them, i'd much rather be told about than find out about from another source.Anyway, all the lies made me really insecure about him masturbating (for some weird reason) and i don't like the thought of him doing it. I told him that i accept that he is going to do it, but just let him know that it weirded me out a bit. Trouble is, he still lies about it and says he doesn't do it...but like in the original post, i have found his spermy tissues; he definitely IS doing it... i just wish he wasn't lying. I've asked him (in the hope that he'll come clean with me) if he has done it, and he just denies it. I want to be able to trust him about everything, and to be honest i'm hurt more about the lies than the masturbation, which although weirds me out, i just accept is going to happen. I want him to talk things through with me and try and figure out a plan together- but i don't want to confront him in case it pushes him further away and makes him less open with me.I'm glad to have found someone with a similar problem- it helps to know you're not alone!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe have a very good sexlife! well i thought so anyway, i dont know why hes lying but i do know its hurting me bad, he lies about a lot of things but always said he has no need to masurbate as he has me,well the fact is hes lying about it,i do feel a bit betrayed actually that might sound stupid but thats how i feel,
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): I can see why you're annoyed by the lying, BUT.... why are you making an issue out of cum stained clothes in the first place???
I've found my ex's knickers lying around with stains in them and have never said a word - it's her knickers not my pants! I can't see why you're questioning him about the cum stains in the first place!!!
Just say to him that if he needs to masturbate then at least clean up afterwards.
I would say 99.9% of men wouldn't lie when being asked if they masturbate so i'm wondering why he feel he needs to hide this with you. Do you both have an open sexual relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks anominus reader thanks for understanding were im coming from, if he wants to do it then fine do it but dont leave the mess around for me to find and then lie when there is proof, i know what im saying and how im reacting is mad but the lies when will they stop, lies do destroy
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontalking to an ex is not a option in my book,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): It sounds like its not the fact he is masturbating that is the problem but that he lies about it. I'm in a similar situation at the moment with a bf and its about the lies then the act itself which is not a big deal at all. You know what is best but you need to really have a big heart to heart and say how you can trust him if he lies about stupid things like this?
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (7 July 2010):
 So what if he masturbated - big deal!! What your reaction SHOULD have been was to say "honey, if the item has been used, please pop it into the laundry rather than leaving it lying around.." Making an issue about him masturbating is making him withdraw from you. I think you went a bit overboard by having a test kit - if he was cheating on you then I can understand the test kit - but hell.... he was masturbating for goodness sake!!
By your controlling action I can see why he is looking for an "out" hence the speaking to the ex... he is probably tired of being nagged at.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
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