A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:Hi, everyone - hope you can help me. This guy and I have communicated to each other that we want to make love with each other so I left him a note to meet me and he didn't, nor did he explain why. So now, of course, I feel rejected and hurt that he stood me up so I'm backing off completely, ignoring and avoiding him (we work at the same place). Isn't it true that if a guy really wants you he'll find his way to you no matter what? He and I have been attracted to each other for 2 years now so I'm wondering what went wrong. Any ideas or insights about what went wrong would be helpful. thank you. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for all your insights. This guy has pursued me for over 2 years, but now it seems he's just been playing with my feelings. I don't believe I chased him, I just replied to his chasing me. And when I back off, he's back again. Only this time I'm staying backed off. I went all last week totally ignoring and avoiding him and going on with my life without even a glance his way. And if he starts chasing me again I will keep running the other way and not put myself in a position again for him to hurt and abuse me.
You have all been so helpful and I thank you once again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): It does not take a guy two years to decide if he is interested in you, especially interested in sleeping with you. This is not about you, it is about him. Any guy that would toy with your emotions enough to the point where you felt after two years to proposition him with sex has got serious issues.
Seriously count yourself very very lucky that he did not show up.
That said, please in the future NEVER pursue a man more than he is pursuing you. Never offer sex as a way to HOOK a man, ever, because it does not work. Men do not fall in love by having sex. We women get it all wrong. He just falls in LUST with you. The way to a man's heart is to connect with him through his heart, it is an emotional connection and and intellectual connection that he is looking for. Sex is simply an expression of that, not the way to get there.
Also, a man has to be ready for love as well as the woman, it is too complicated to go into here, but if you are not in a mental, emotional, spirtual place for love to really happen, it won't, for both of you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): What did the note say? Meet you how? Where did you leave the note? Did you actually talk to him about meeting or left a sticky note some where? My point is unless you're sure he got the note and he thought it was a big deal to meet you then you don't know if he stood you up. For instance, if you left a note that said "I would like to meet you" and nothing else then he would have no clue that was you. I'm assuming you did leave details in which case he may not have gotten it. It would be good to ask if he got the note and what happened.
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