A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some help. I have been dating this guy for about 2 months now. He still talks to his ex almost everyday and he wants me to meet her. He just now is trying to get a divorce because he has been putting it off for so long. why is that? And also what should i do about the ex? Should i let them still talk or should i end things with him? Somebody help me
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female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (29 January 2007):
 It depends on whether there are any children, but it sounds like there aren't. You seem to be very hurt about this contact and I can understand that. My own vision of a strong relationship is one where you rely on each other for support, confidentiality and trust. That means when all the bad things in life happen, you mostly face them together, without involving friends and family and discussing stuff all over the place.
I do talk to my friends about lots of important things but not intimate things about my relationship for example. I think that what is making you so uncomfortable is this emotional intimacy between them. It is a kind of ifidelity, or a betrayal of you. You should be the one with whom he is intimate in this way, not her, especially not her because they are divorcing. He should recognise that it is time to transfer this role to you now. He must drop the habit of leaning on her because it is no longer appropriate.
Let him realise how insensitive he is being by telling him how you feel and remember the fact that he is divorcing at last is a good sign. Do make sure that once you have explained how you feel, that he puts you first. If he does not, you have your answer. However, you may need to give him some time to loosen the ties before breaking them finally. All he needs to say to his ex wife is that now he has you it is not right to continue an emotionally intimate relationship with her and that he wishes her well. There is no need to be unkind.
If you find that you can manage with him staying friends with her that would be fine too, Everyone has their own comfort level, the important thing is for you to know that you come first.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (27 January 2007):
 He's probably been putting off the divorce because before he met you, he couldn't accept that that part of his life was over. This doesn't mean he didn't want to move on, just couldn't imagine doing so until he fell for you. I don't think you have any right to stop him talking to the ex and if you did you'd end up pushing him away from you so just accept that they will remain friends but that if he wanted to be with her he would be but he's not, he's with you.
CD
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