A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I got drunk at a friend's wedding 2 months ago and hooked up with a "sorta-friend" (sorta-friends as in we've known each other for a few years, have mutual friends but only ever hung out at big events like birthdays or large parties)! Before that night, I had never been attracted to him (and I don't think he was either.. it just sorta happened)!We didn't really see/talk to each other for a month after that.. but then ended up meeting up again at another friend's birthday! Neither of us talked to each other all night and since it was a smallish party, things actually got a bit awkward! So next morning I text him and arranged for us to have lunch so we could sort things out!Lunch was good.. and then he started texting me.. which i responded to.. and a week later, he asked me to the movies which i went to (just as friends though), and somewhere during that day and a week later when he asked me to go to a show with him, i kinda started liking him and started getting interested.. and this is where the problems start!The thing is the night we hooked up, I told him that I'd done that a few times before (i.e. hooked up with random boys at times, which is the truth) -- so on the second "date", he kinda asked me questions about that and I was quite honest.. so basically the idea he has of me is of someone whose relationships are usually very short and someone who has troubles with commitment!Including the movies, we've been on 4 dates as he asks me out about once every week but he won't text me or call me much in between (although he replies if I text him and when I am with him, he is very attentive and nice) -- on the third date, we made out but then on thursday night which was the fourth date, he didn't seem to want kiss me or anything (he said he was tired).. he basically just held me and we talked all night! I know we are meant to be taking things slow, but that actually felt like we were going backwards! I've told him that I like him and that I can see us together and he's said that he likes me too! but i get the feeling that he just doesn't trust me ('cuz he has referred to the fact that I've been with more ppl than him a few times) and so he doesn't want things to get serious and complicate matters ..... but saying that... he's told all his friends that him and me are dating, which kinda suggests that he doesn't think i am short-term! I am just very confused -am i just overanalysing this??the other thing is that he is a bit on the overweight side and he's asked me once or twice whether that was a problem (since i've only been with "hot" boys before)and I tried my best to assure him that it was not a problem.. but he still keeps referring to the fact about how skinny i am when we are together, so maybe all of the mixed signals is just due to him being insecure??we are both very busy with studies/ work so cant really arrange to meet more than once a week anyways.. I just wish i knew how he actually felt, if I was sure that he was fully interested, then I wouldn't have a problem with going as slow as possible...Sorry about the long essay! Any help would be much appreciated!
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drunk, insecure, overweight, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks! hopefully things will work out!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Hi Sweetheart
It does sound as if he is a little insecure, But with time and caring on you part Im sure you can overcome this if you like each other, You could say to him that yea you may have hooked up with a few guys but it wasnt because you cant hold a relationship down that this did not work it was because you didnt feel these were the right guys for you, And you really wanted to wait for someone that you felt was special. He seems to have an insecurity about his weight if you havent a problem keep telling him he is lovely hun, It is a little annoying when people or men go on about you being skinny as you cant help that, Ive had that all my adult life Ive only ever been a size u.k 10 at my biggest Im a 6-8 and people do tend to say oh my god your so skinny well I would not turn around to someone and say oh my god your so fat now would I as thats just plain rude, People sometimes dont get they may hurt your feelings by saying this to you, And your fella being a little bigger this is were the doubt comes in sweetheart. Just take it slow explain to him you have always been this way and you dont see a problem between you both as you like him just the way he is, And hopefully this will help with his self esteem love. I hope things work out for you love and this has helped a little...TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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