A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Theres this guy that I met in January.We initially met online in December,and then met and had dinner together a month later.Anyways,we have been going out since that time.Usually on weekends because of our work schedule,and also because of babysitting needs,because I have two children.We have also taken a 3 day vacation together.But,he still doesnt refer to me as his girlfriend after all this time.We are sexually active,but dont always have sex when we meet up,so im very sure that its not all about that.Hes very sweet,and a gentleman type of guy.Very cuddly and often takes a moment to just kiss my hand or my shoulder,or just hug me.He talks of future plans together,and has even mentioned vacationing again next summer.He treats me well.But why will he not make any type of commitment in words?Ive looked for advice regarding this,and all the signs are there that he DOES very much like me.But still I wonder all the time what is going on here,and if he really does like me that much or if its all some sort of act.I havent even had him meet my children yet,because I dont want them involved if theres no commitment there.I dont really think that he wants to talk about it either,because I brought it up months ago and got a kind of short reply that he is just going with the flow of things.Should I just lighten up or what? A lot of what bothers me too is having to explain to my friends and family.Because he really is a great guy,but to them he doesnt seem so great if he wont even call us "a couple".
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (17 August 2009):
I understand how you feel. Not knowing where you stand with a guy is very frustrating. It can also be hurtful because it causes you to have alot of doubts in the relationship you ahve with him, and makes you question alot of things- all valid and understandable feelings.
I think you just need to talk to him about it again. And if he tries to dismiss you and doesnt really reply properly, keep trying. Dont give up. He owes you an answer. Tell him how it makes you feel and that you just need to know where you both stand. Ask him why he wont refer to you as his gf, ask what has to happen for him to be able to do that. It might also be helpful if you make it clear you want to be his gf, because maybe hes unsure of how you feel?
A
female
reader, AllisonDro +, writes (17 August 2009):
Are you exclusive? Has it been made clear that you two are NOT seeing other people? ... to me, thats what makes a "couple".
The first thing i thought of was your kids - i appreciate that you are protecting them. however, maybe he feels that because he hasn't met your kids in 8 months, YOU aren't committing to him. Has he asked to meet them?
Honestly, after 8 months, you should be able to have a serious conversation with someone. Sit down and ask him about it. Ask him if he is monogamous with you (assuming you aren't sleeping with someone who isn't), why is he hesitant to add the "girlfriend" label to you. You should know each other well enough by now to be comfortable enough to have that conversation.
Good Luck!
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