A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am 24 and my bf is 25. We have been together for 10 months. 6 months into the relationship after he rejected my advances, I walked in on him getting off to porn. We have lived together for the whole 10 months we have been together and apart from the porn issue, we have a fantastic relationship.I am a very attrctive girl and am willing to do anything with him sexually so was very hurt when this happened. I found out he was downloading porn daily onto his computer and had a collection that went back 10 years, which he refused to delete. I understand his reasons for looking at porn so we compromised -I would make porn films for him, wioth everything he is into and although he wouldn't delete his porn collection he would start to add my films and photos to it instead.Our sex life is great and only got better after that. To be honest I am very horny and want sex with him alot. We do prob have sex 5-7 times a week. Unfortunatley even though we are now making the porn films I have found out he has gone back to downloading porn daily. He looks at it once a day, every morning, before work, as I agreed that that early in the morning I wouldn't have sex with him. He also allows me to now see all the porn he downloads, so this is how I know it is daily. It hurts still though as I am offering him so much, and I can't carry on sleeping knowing he is in the next room wanking to other girls. The when he goes to work, every morning I see spunk on the floor in front of the computer. This hurts so much.He did more recently offer to stop downloading when I threatened to leave him, but I think this might ultimately lead to him doing it behind my back, so I said I didn't want him to stop downloading.I have no problem with porn, I think it's great, but it hurts that he has to do this every morning, it feels like there's something he's not getting from me.However on the other hand, he says when he was with other girls, he would watch it 2 times a day, so over 10 years he has never watched as little as he does now, and that's apparently because I am satisfying him more, however I would be alot more comfortable if it was just once a week he downloaded porn, and that other days he had a wank over me. I am very unhappy in this relationship at the moment simply because his day starts by looking at other women, when he could look at porn of me, which we make regularly. What should I do? I think I want to leave him if he doesn't cut down however this might just lead him to do it behind my back, and would I not just find that my next bf looks at porn just as much?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): The internet has exposed our vulnerable men to a new addiction and it is brought up here all the time...porn.
It certainly sounds like your boyfriend is either addicted, or well on his way, so he most likely CANNOT quit on his own. It is actually a chemical addiction, not sexual. Men become addicted to the 'feel good' chemicals produced by the body during excitement and orgasm. It is seriously a problem and I consider this whole thing a social experiment.
Only you can find out if your boyfriend has a serious problem with it (it does sound like it). You will need to decide if you can live with an addict, or if your boyfriend will get help for his addiction. BTW, it has nothing to do with how beautiful you are.
The worst part of the addiction, and perhaps a reason to appeal to your boyfriend's ego, is that in MANY cases this leads to erectile disfunctions and complete abandonment of the women in the bedroom. This is a slow process and seems to hit men in their late 30's to early 40's.
You can read further and get more information on these excellent web-sites : npsupport.net and recoverynation.com
Best of luck to you :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): there's nothing wrong with looking at porn of course if you're alone and single. If he found someone it's natural that he stops
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Read this link http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hurt-my-husband-has-left-was-it-the.html which might help you. I have read a response from one of the Aunties,Asian Tealeaf, and it rocks. She got her man to stop viewing porn by making it clear that what he was doing was affecting her ability to orgasm and was making her insecure, and in turn was affecting their relationship. Her views were spot on and she likens her insecurity over the porn issue to guys being insecure about the size of their dicks, to the point where it affects their ability to have a relationship with a woman without thinking the girl is not comparing him to someone else with a larger dick. Rather like us women feel about our guys jerking off to porn. In fact, there are a lot of pro porn supporters on this site who love to jump on the bandwagon and give their view and somewhere along the line they normally mention romance novels as a comparison - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - utter tosh!! However, on the above link, the guys haven't really given their view because Asian Tealeaf's is so eleoquently put, that they haven't responded to this as I think they would just show their ignorance, immaturity, whatever you want to call it. Now, I will agree with Asian Tealeaf in that porn is not necessarily bad if two partners are complicit and don't mind, however, it's heartbreaking to read some of the posts on here where the guy is jacking off to porn and ignoring his partner, but they will not stop what they are doing despite it ruining the relationship. It's the non negotiability of it I find astounding. A man sees it as his right to view it, despite it having a negative impact on the relationship. These are indeed the very immature men, to not realise that what they are doing takes something magical away from their relationship. Funnily enough, my guy is in to porn and I've accommodated him to keep the peace, however, our relationship suffers because of this. I wrote before about how despite me fancying him, I no longer want to make love to him because of the porn. I see him as almost pathetic because it has this hold over him, which in turn doesn't really bode well for our relationship. In fact, when he stops watching it, our sex life improves 100% and that's a pretty strong statistic, backed up by what Asian Tealeaf has said too. If this guy doesn't realise what a deal breaker this is, then what an idiot.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): what are you waiting for? this fella doesn't know how lucky he is. why would he wank at some porn girls if sex is so good with his beautiful girlfriend in real life? leave him and stop filming dirty for him cos he doesn't deserve to have you.
i deserve you though :D
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