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female
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*ittleash
writes: My boyfriend and I have been been together for a year now. But when we first started seeing eachother, he was in a relationship with another woman. He stopped seeing her so that he could be with me. Everything was going good, or so i thought, a month into our relationship, he broke up with me so he could go back to his ex. A day later he wanted to get back together with me and told me he made the wrong decision, so i took him back. Since then it has been so hard to trust him. He still talks to her, and her mom. He even goes over to her moms house all the time. He says that he goes to her for stress relief.. he knows i hate it. but yet he still does it. just recently, i went away for the weekend. and i found out from a friend that he went for a drive with her in MY car for about 2 hours. I was very very upset about it. And he doesn't understand why. He says the reason they went for the drive was to tell eachother that they still have feelings for eachother, and he apparnelty told her that he was in a relationship(me) and didn't want to ruin it. I just don't know what to do. Am i wrong for being upset? I'm only 18.. same with him.. so i dont know if im wasting my time or not.. i do love him, but why does he still have to associate with her? i dont know what to do. please help!!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 October 2006):
 Tell him in no uncertain terms that he is to stop seeing her and her mother or you are going to hand him his walking papers. He is absolutely out of line here. Good luck which ever way it turns out.
A
female
reader, blackcoffee +, writes (11 October 2006):
Sorry to come hard on you but check his record girl! He left her for you. That means he is the 'stealable' kind. What makes you so sure noone will steal him from you. This girl was hurt by you and whether she really wants him back or not, she will try to break you two up and your mans behaviour is not very encouraging. Leave him with your dignity intact. He may be just confused, if so, he will return if it's meant to be. Trust me hon, no man on earth is worth the hustle. You are young. You will kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): It matters not, that you love him, dear. It doesn't sound like he loves you, in the way you deserve to be loved by a caring, decent man. He is not this man. And yes, you should be darned upset. The cold hard fact is this arrangement is very demeaning you, dear and I have to wonder why you are still there? He's made it clear to you, that he has feelings for his ex and yes, you are wasting your time. Are you scared of being on your own? Do you feel you aren't lovable? Of course you are! You need to start taking care of yourself. This is the only way you will gain the strength to do, what you have to do becauseyou are selling yourself short here and you have to stop accepting this circumstance and use some courage in ways that will make you a chooser, not a beggar.
I heard a great saying one time, "Remember that self-esteem is centered in the will to overcome trying circumstance, not to give in to being overcome." If he's messing with this ex gf, you obviously don't have his respect and love, hun. So why are you simply settling for or permitting less. If he can't give you what you want in a healthy, equal, loving relationship...then dump him. Change and self-respect only come from within you, dear. Don't become one of those women who just don't get the message. They just keep hoping and hoping and trying and trying. Don't allow that to happen to you. Move on, you will hurt, you will recover, you will heal. Take good, good care of yourself..call in family, friends and people who genuinely love you and start the grieving process. You will survive this but you will learn something very precious from all this...that you are a wonderfully, strong woman and some lucky guy will see this in you and love you all the more as a result. Good luck, my dear..my heart is with you.
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A
female
reader, Wolf Paws +, writes (11 October 2006):
 Ii would be great to hear from you when things are sorted
Wolf Paws -x-
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone +, writes (11 October 2006):
 What should you do??? Well that depends if you want to stay in the relationship or leave the relationship. If you want to leave then just give him the boot and be done. If not tell him you won't tolerate anymore of this behavior and he has to make a choice its her and her mother or its you. If you don't this will continue. People can only do to you what you allow them to do. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Wolf Paws +, writes (11 October 2006):
It seem clear to me that your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex, yet the fact he is telling her he doesn't want to ruin his relationship with you shows that he DOES love you an wishes to remain loyal to you. Ofcourse you are not wrong for being upset, you are only human but you are also only 18. First of all think to yourself - do you REALLY love this man? If not, it's just not worth it hun, safer to end it now but if you DO love him, really care about him then you need to talk about it, sort things out. Tell him how you're uncomfortable with his closeness to his ex. Don't completely go against him though. Tell him that you understand he wishes to remain friends with this girl bu make him aware that you feel he is showing her too much attention in comparison to you. Spend some time together, away from this other girl and you'll know from the way he acts whether he'd rather be with you or her. Hope this helps sweetie,
Wolf Paws -x-
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