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female
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*ilentTears
writes: I'm really confused and unsure of what to do..Recently I started a new job and my boyfriend of 3 years has started to act a lot differnt. He's home every day now and I know he spends a lot of time on the internet. Lately our sexual life hasn't been that great. He seems to be either very tired or just all out *spent*, when it should be me being tired from working hard all day. In the 3 years I have dated him he has never done anything speical for me, nor does he tell me he loves me very often but I've always just dealt with it. He doesn't seem like the affectionate type.However recently I have found pictures of him nude.. and of his private parts.. I don't know if he's sending these to anyone.When I asked him about it, he got really defensive with me, even yelled at me. I did push it a little too far, but I can't understand why. He said he was going to put them on a "rate your pecker site". I have also found a few phone numebers hidden in documents... Should I be having red flags in my mind? Am I right to think something is going on? and Do I have grounds to be suspicious of him? If I do, how would I talk to him about it without him getting too defensive to try and save this relationship?
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (10 March 2006):
 Wise up to this bloke, you go to work so he now has all day to play on the internet, to see women etc.
No wonder he is tired he is fulfiling his self with what he looks at and any possible seeing women from these sites as well.
You need to look at the evidence and tell him it is over.
No point in dithering, just bin him!!
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (10 March 2006):
The last thing you said was 'how do I try to save this relationship?'. Do you really want to save it? I mean even despite the whole finding nude pics of him and hidden phone numebrs on the computer, before that even started, it seems to me you weren't all that happy. I mean you said he wasnt and still isnt very affectionate and barely says he loves you. Thats not a good way to be in a relationship feeling unloved is it? and you should't have ot put up with. first off i think you need to think can he change that, neverless his current new behaviuor of the nude pics and hidden numbers.
if there is someway to overcome that then maybe it is worth a try trying to tackle the other issue of the nude pics.
Your are his gf and you deserve to know whats going on. People use lame exuses like its 'none of your business'- only people who have something to hide say that and get all defensive. He might not be cheating on u or anything like it, but he must be doing something he knows u wont agree or have a good reaction too.
You shoudln't tip toe around him about this subject, I mean the fact is if hes done something wrong then he has to deal with being confronted. Its just the price he pays for doing sometihng wrong.
I think what you have to do here is really point out that you value honesty and that if he has done something he knows u wont like, that if he tells you then yhou can work on it. But if he doesn't tell you, then problems will continue to exist in your relationship, and im sure he won't like that now will he.
im sorry if i couldnt help out much and just seemed to ramble :( i tried my best. good luck and hopefully you will work thigns out for the best :)
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