A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To start off with Im gonna say im in a long distance relationship, have been now for 3 years but I met him for the first time in January which is when we made things official.Im gonna be honest and say I have many many issues (but i am not getting into that) I just want to talk/ask this one thing.So a little background info...I come from a middle/upper kinda class family, I live in a nice house that is worth a good bit of money on the market right now and have nice things, spoilt as a kid, my house hold has like 4/5 diff games consoles, 5 laptops, 2 cars etc we dont need for anything.Him on the other hand, he is a more lower class family, his parents make enough to cover rent but they rarely have heat in the house and dont even always have enough for food.Well when I first met him he smoked marijana every weekend and sometimes week days (parents clueless ofcourse) and I was open and said ive never done any drugs and dont plan to and was fine that he did them because at that time he was just a friend who i did kinda like. Whenever he had smoked he was always happy and like a great person to be around and very sociable and then one day he promises me he is never gonna smoke again...I didnt ask him to stop he just promised me out of nowhere. He then began to smoke cigarettes not long after that but not alot just maybe a pack of 10 a week or something which again I was ok with, dont smoke myself dont like the smell either but meh watever right...well when i was at his house in january he hadnt smoked at all until one day we went to his friends house and he gave him one...it felt so wrong when i saw him, i didnt like it at all when i saw him smoking so i turned to the tv and began to watch it but he could tell i wasnt happy and stubbed it out half way...i told him i was uncomfortable seeing him smoke and said id like him to do it when im not there or go outside or something so i dont see him...well since then he has actually not smoked.I feel soo guilty, like im trying to change him to what i want (which isnt true cuz i never told him to stop anything) or that im changing him in general. Its like I think alot of how happy he could perhaps be if he was smoking marijana and less stressed and happy if he was smoking cigarettes. Idk, i just feel so guilty.Id also like to add that hes the kinda person who would do whatever he wanted...he doesnt care what other people think but i get the feeling he truly does care what i think when it comes to some things and i dont know why...yes i mean ofcourse he cares about me and what i think but if he wants to smoke or grow a beard or something like that he would claim to do it no matter who didnt like it including me but im doubting that and i feel guilty for it.am i the right person for him, idk...i dont want to be the one who changed him because what if he didnt want to change but he feels he needs to even though i tell him he doesnt...and i could go on more but im gonna stop now, any input would be hugely apprecited.Please and thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): When you stop paying him attention and tune him out (abusive/controlling) and give off the body langauge you are not happy ( you still are communicating so yes, you have in fact told him you dont like it and send the silent me or the cigarettes vibe)also followed by verbal dont do it around me ( so hide and lie about it, yah not HEALTHY and he picks up on the game)- you are telling him to change. So stop the BS lying. ;)So I suspect you did the same GAME with the weed. So don't try pulling the wool over anyones eyes with your carefully worded, carefully calculated post.I'm a gal from the streets and when you getting played, you call out the player.I also don't like how you go out of way to state all the materialistic crap you own verses living humbly. Doesn't make you better, in fact you even state you are a spoilt brat.I think you just see this guy as someone to entertain you so I am going to say you are definitely not good for him.You are emotionally abusive and controlling and for obvious reasons you know and I can pick up on.Feel guilty and LET HIM GO. He deserves someone that will better communiciate over control as well as let him find his own path of recovery over you forcing to change him.
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