A
female
age
30-35,
*aybalina
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for nearly 16 months now. i recently found out he had slept with his ex a day before wed first slept together last year jan 2010 around the time we started meeting up.we had only met up 3 or 4 times at this point but we got on so well i really liked him.she turned up as his on the 7thjan 2010 and they ended up having sex and she stayed over. bare in mind they had broken up in september 2009 and only slept together once in the november then again in the jan.the next day (8th jan 2010) we met up and he slept with me and ever since then weve been inseperable.he said he was confused and didnt know what he wanted but he knew he didnt want her back and after hed slept with her he realised it was a mistake and that wasnt what he wanted.he said it made him realise that he defo wanted to be with me.he said he never loved her he was just comfortable. we are both 20 now. should i try and forget about it? just i feel very upset as i didnt want anyone else since i laid eyes on him. by sleeping with her does it mean he liked her still? cause he said he had sex because he knew he could get it? but by doing that he realised he wanted to be with me and hes been faithful ever since.i keep thinking he wanted her over me or something and i cant help thinking about all the stuff they done over the 2 and half years they were together. although they broke up alot and throughout that time he had slept with 3 people while they were on breaks. i have become very down since i found out on sunday and its tearing me apart as i dont know what to do especially as my self esteem has plummeted recently.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 It sounds like you two weren't exclusive, and for whatever reason, he wasn't over his ex at that time. I personally think it's a bit cheap to sleep with an ex and then the new love within the span of 24 hours, but then again, I've always thought the "third date rule" is way too soon into a relationship to begin with.
I wouldn't be worried about him. Sounds like you totally captured his heart since then, and he didn't choose her over you, or he'd be with her still.
It would be an entirely different thing altogether if you two had been seeing each other for 4-6 months and then he started messing with his ex behind your back. That would be cheating. I think he shouldn't have had sex with you until he was sure he had gotten over his ex, but then again, you and he having 3 or 4 dates didn't yet count as exclusive.
I would feel annoyed, mostly grossed out at being sloppy seconds, and a little hurt that he had sex with me 24 hours after he did it with an ex. But don't let it tear you up. Far from him choosing her over you, it was the exact opposite.
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