A
female
age
36-40,
*annij
writes:How do I get over this?My boyfriend and I are so very in love but early 2006 we split for 2 months and during this time he had sex with another woman who was his friend at the time. He says he wishes it had never happened and I believe him but I just cant come to terms with this as they are still friends and he still goes to see her. Im not allowed there as she dislikes me and its got to the point where I want to die cos I cant stand him going there. Everytime he goes I sit on my own in the house crying and feel like my heart is being ripped apart. I dont have any other friends so cant go out while he is there and we are happy in every other way but I feel like this woman is ruining my life and my relationship. my boyfriend says he understands how I feel but refuses to stop going there. I know they arent sleeping together as she has a new boyfriend living with her but I feel so alone and dont understand why he wants to bother with her the pain just never seems to end. This week we havent heard from her at all and weve both been so relaxed and happy but hes going there tomorrow and now the tense feeling is back and i feel once again like what is the point in me being alive. Ninety nine percent of our arguements are about her and its got so bad Ive even hit my boyfriend 2 or 3 times for defending her. She is horrible to me you see. I just dont know how to get over this Splitting with my boyfriend is not an option. Ive given him an ultimatum but still he is going to go there tomorrow I dont know how I can go on I think Im finally at the end of my tether please someone help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): Whose feelings should he care about here ???? Hers's or yours ? This man does not deserve you. Do your self a favor and try to end this relationship,i.e if he decides to continue seeing his so called friend. Maybe he liked whaat he got from her that's why he keeps going back. Boyfriend or not, I won't trust him going over there. What if they all are having a threesome, maybe not, but the whole point is your feelings should be first on his list not hers. Please do not think too much just ask him to stop and if he can't I would say leave him. I just don't like the sound of this problem of yours.And I really think that he do not deserve a girl like you. Hope that everything works out for the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): The problem is you gave him an ultimatum and then you've done nothing about it when he's gone against you. You should never give someone an ultimatum unless you are willing to go through with what you have threatened to do, otherwise you are seen as weak and as you are seeing, no longer have any control in the relationship.
One of two things needs to happen with this, either he stops seeing his friend or you two break up. You write that breaking up is not an option - unfortunate because I think that is what is going to eventually happen, sadly very slowly and painfully. You two are not "so very in love" - perhaps you were at one time, but not now. I think your boyfriend doesn't love you as much as you think he does. People who love another never, EVER, put them through unnecessary pain. Your situation is a common one, it does happen quite often when couples break up or take a break and to resolve them the other person really needs to get out of the relationship. You as his girlfriend and the future of the relationship should be a priority over this one girl.
You are the one in control here, you need to take the reigns of the situation, find the strength to make the necessary decision and only then you can begin to put this hurt behind you, in a relationship with this guy or single and on your own. Either way, that is how you will start to feel better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): He sounds like a creep, and if he really loves you he shouldn't go. I have been told that the definition of love is when you care more about someone then you do yourself and that does not sound like its happening here.
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