A
female
age
36-40,
*assySashy
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for over a year and have been living together for 10 months. He's in the military and travels alot. I do trust him and i know he hasn't cheated on me but right before he left to go on course he joined a swingers website called ashleymadison. I told him how much it bothered me, he said it was for more of a joke and then he deleted it. Now he is working close to home and comes home on the weekends i was recently talking with a friend of mine that lives in another province and she mentioned to me that while he was away they were having late night conversations on msn. I'm not the jealous type but from the stories that she's shared she has no problem sleeping with married men. I asked my boyfriend about it and he said it was harmless conversation and she was drunk most of the time. I'm not sure if i'm being overly paranoid or if this is the beginning of him looking into the benifits of cheating. He's told me he would never cheat on me as he was cheated on by his ex girlfriend. I just want to cover my butt because i have been hurt in the past. I want to know if i'm making too much out of out of two isolated incidents.
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cheated on me, drunk, ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous, military, msn, swinging Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (18 July 2007):
 Your bf and your friend are playing you.
I do not beleive for one second he is being faithful to you, and you know it.
As for your friend...if you hang out with a friend that does things you would not want done to you, well, maybe you should be looking for new friends.
-Frank B Kermit
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): Why are you doubting yourself? You would never do this to him, would you? Expect the same from him! No, you aren't being paranoid. He is behaving badly and this whole thing stinks of something rotten.. This is not the act of a loving, caring man who values you. I have to be straight forward, dear. I could never, ever trust a man who gets his kicks on websites where attached people are looking for affairs. This is the way I see it. To join a website like AshleyMadison, which is a dating site for attached people who are looking to have affairs (I checked). What does that tell you? This is not just fun and games, dear. His intent, has shown a profound disrespect for you and this relationship, all due to his own feelings of entitlement and selfish needs. So don't chalk this up to idle curiosity or just pure fantasy. A man who truely and genuinely loves a woman----honors her, cares for her deeply, will not even think to do this. So stop blaming yourself (re: paranoia) and set some clear, tough boundaries in this relationship. That is plainly not the way to think about what was staring you straight in the face. Added to that, you have a friend who doesn't possess the brains to leave married/attached guys alone. I would really rethink this friendship, hun. It's not a healthy one. Friends don't talk to another friend's bf, drunkenly on msn, behind one's back. If you ever have any doubts about a friend messin' with your bf, than that says you are having huge, niggling doubts. And when one has doubts...the trust is shaky already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): sounds a bit suspicious but could equally be nothing, he's told you he'd never cheat on you so you just have to ask yourself do you believe him?
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A
female
reader, littlered08  +, writes (17 July 2007):
i think you should be concerned. you should sit down with him and ask him straight out if he's cheating on you. being completly honest is the more adult thing to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): No you're not making too much out of this. And I wouldn't just assume that he hasn't cheated on you. If he signed up on a swinger's website, there must have been an interest from him to it, so him saying it was "a joke" is just a cover up. How did you find out about the website? I am guessing he didn't tell you & that you found out on your own. He would have never told you about it. Just like him not telling you he was talking late into the night with your "friend". She told you that, and it's not o.k. I wouldn't trust him. It looks to me as though he is trying to see how much he can get away with until (if he hasn't already) he eventually cheats on you. And just b/c he's been cheated on doesn't mean he wouldn't cheat on someone. It actually could mean that he would have more of a desire to cheat. kind of like getting revenge on the female gender. I am sorry if my advice sounds harsh, but I think he is totally up to something here. Be careful.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 Do you trust your man?
I would sit with your guy and explain how you feel. You are uneasy about him chatting to someone late at night who happily sleeps with taken men. Don't make it sound like you are accusing him though. If you have both been cheated on in the past then he should understand where you are coming from.
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