A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I'm 20, so over the summer I lived in another state, met this guy. He told me he liked me, but we knew I had to leave for school in a few weeks, so we couldn't start anything official. Everyone told me that I was all he talked about. I let him sleep in my bed nearly every night. I wasn't ready for anything physical, and I wanted some commitment before (I'm a virgin), so we never slept together. We did a little of the second base stuff.Anyway, then he had sex with my roommate. I was upset, but we weren't dating, so it wasn't cheating. I don't think it was right tho, and it worried me. They were both drunk when it happened and she definitely came onto him. It was weird though, because when I talked to her about it, she was like, "he really likes you, he only talks about you, it was just physical for him"So I forgave him. He also said he wasn't sure if I liked him. So we kept hanging out, making out, etc. We talked a little about working together next summer, keeping in touch. Then I had to leave, and we have since kept in touch, he calls me 1-3 times a week, e-mails me every day.Well, I talked to my other roommate, and she was my closest friend down there, and she confessed to sleeping with him less than a week after I had left. I was crushed. She said she came onto him, that they both missed me and were lonely, etc. She also talked him up and said "it was just sex, he really wants a relationship with you." I feel like I don't know her at all. And they slept together more than once after the first time, always drunk, no protection.I mean, I won't see him for several months, if ever, so I didnt expect him to not hook up with people, but my friend? And only a few days after I left? He knew how close we were.I'm so confused. Deep down I think I know that what they did wasn't right at all. He says he wasn't sure about us and that he didn't know if he would see me again and he's sorry he didn't ask and find out.But even if he thought he wouldn't see me again, it still seems disrespectful to sleep with my friend and so soon.I keep hearing about how hard it is for guys to say no to easy girls, especially when they are drunk. And there was a lot of free love going around in that environment, (nearly EVERYBODY slept around) but he seemed different, he was the one talking about commitment. He doesn't flirt with other girls, my friend said he never flirted with her or anything. He has said I'm the nicest, most innocent girl he's met. I think he doesn't know how to handle that though, maybe he's just used to a different type of girl.Can I not trust him or should I not automatically assume this is a sign of untrustworthiness? He treats me well, tells me I'm beautiful, special, wants to take me on a date, never pressures me on physical stuff, etc. He knew I would be upset with him about it, I already yelled at him over it, and he said he knows he messed up, and that if we were in a long-distance relationship, there's a chance he might mess up, but that if we could see each other, and he could hold me every day, then no other girl could turn his head.Would it be a bad idea for me to try to forget it happened and start fresh if we were able to be together again and start a relationship? Sometimes I feel part of it is my fault, I don't do well expressing my feelings and talking about that stuff, and I'm not sure he knew how strongly I felt about him, and that maybe I let myself get in too deep when I knew I would have to leave him. But then, I also feel that he should have known better than to sleep with my friend, period, and I'd always wonder if he was sleeping with someone else.
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crush, drunk, flirt, period, roommate, second base Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): listen up sweetie i would forgive him but dont go bck together or ummm watever u called u guys were cause u said u werent dating but were going to 2nd base but thats off topic if u believe u can give a chance to b friends then do it. and ur little friend shoulf should go and die or someting she know that u were very close to that guy she shouldnt even tried flirting with him. i dnt think that u should forgive ur friend u deserve to have a better friend. hope everything goes better for u
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): wow, id ditch him and your friends!
Could you really have a relationship with his guy? knowing all this? Listen to the other advice here. And get some new friends too.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): Great friends you have! On the guy, this guy isn't trust worthy. He even admitted, if you two were apart he'll properly cheat on you. I think it's lucky you found out his true colours before you actually slept with him.
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