A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 year old in a relationship with a guy the same age!he loves me and sees a future with me(marriage,kids) I don't,is it bad or will I grow to feel the same about him..I mean if I don't feel the same should I break it off? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2013): just be honest with him that you don't feel the same as him, but that maybe your feelings might develop if you give it more time.then let him make the decision of whether he wants to stay in this relationship with you and wait and see how it plays out, or if he wants to call it off now so he can move on and not waste time on you. You could propose a time line so it's not so ambiguous and open ended, say, a year or two years. The point is to be honest and lay it all out on the table first, and then mutually decide what to do. instead of making a decision on your own now ("do I break up with him because I dont' feel the same, or do I tell a lie and continue this relationship in case I feel differently in the future?"), involve him in the decision since there the two of you in the relationship!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2013): In this case, I must disagree with Ciar.
You clearly state this man is in-love. Based on his feelings, he's planning a future. That future is built around a future with you.
This isn't a guessing-game of she- loves-me, or she loves-me-not.
The danger in riding it out is, he has had a head-start. He is already in much deeper into this than you are.
I base my disagreement on the argument, that once a person feels they are in-love, reversal of those feelings is very emotionally draining and debilitating process. The deeper those feelings go, the more agonizing it becomes to undo. Not just for him, for the both of you.
You don't allow people to get so far ahead; that you finally give-in; because you fear "hurting his feelings."
You undo the connection before he invests his feelings so deeply; it becomes a difficult and laborious process to get some guy out of your life, who is all hung-up on you.
We can't say how you'll feel in the future.
We DO KNOW you aren't feeling it now.
You better slow things down, and do it now! You owe it to him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 You may very well grow to have similar feelings or you may end up feeling pressured to. It could easily go either way.
If everything is otherwise fine and you have been very clear where you stand with your boyfriend, there is no need to rush out and break up. Besides, if it's his feelings you're trying to spare then let him have some say in what kinds of risk he's prepare to assume.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): Are you leading him on?
You said he loves you, but didn't say you love him. He's planning his future around you; because he thinks you are in-love with him.
Yes, you do have to break it off. That's a definite "YES!"
You are asking him to put his single-life on hold. To allow his feelings to continue to get even deeper for you.
While you mill around with how you may, or may not feel.
That's asking a lot. In fact, it's selfish. He isn't there at your convenience. He actually thinks you already love him.
One of the things people write about a lot on DC, is feeling too much for someone else. It is extremely painful to discover they don't feel the same. The thing is, people always find out the truth. Actions speak louder than words.
You're hanging on to a "good catch." Just for the sake of it.
Even if it means lying to him to keep him. "Maybe" you'll feel the same someday?
You just don't want to let him getaway. Even if it means you'll ruin his life; when you come to the eventual conclusion it was a mistake after-all.
Then what, if you don't "eventually" feel the same?
You don't decide that after marriage; a house, and two kids later, lady!!! Changing your mind at that point is going to rip you apart. You might lose it all! If it's based on a lie, karma will see to that.
You must break his heart, but save it; by telling him the truth. It will hurt him, but it would be the kindest and most humane thing you'll ever do.
You're not passing up an opportunity; you're just rewriting your future. He just isn't in it.
I know the pain of loving someone, who doesn't love you back. He at least had the decency to dump me. I'm getting over it. In time, your future-ex will too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): how long have you been together? you are very young, but not that young to not to consider a future with your current boyfriend. I you have been together for more than one year and have no intention to move in together or you just can't see a future together then pleade don't waste his time and feelings. I certainly wouldn't like to be with someone who can't see a future with me. hope it helps.
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