A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have been with this guy for almost a year we both live in different parts of Canada. I tend to have high expectations of men, and he tends to be a workaholic and has a relaxed nature. In the beginning things were great, he called everyday, commuicated well..but I guess I got more demanding, and started to ask for too much and he got stressed and found things to "chorelike" out or so he says. I broke up with him after he told me he could live with out me and work was more of a priority and we had arguments back and forth but we keep getting back together in the sense start talking again. He recently visited for the weekend, the sparks and chemistry are def there for both of us and I feel that I want him all to myself again, I am trying to change my controlling ways and work on my trust issues. When I asked him for us to get back together his comment was "we are seeing each other" and he could not call me his girlfriend, he said he wanted to think about things and not lead me on. I feel he wants to keep his options open bc he is not sure if I am the one, I am trying to change but he states well that is not real bc after marriage you will change back.. we need to move forward together or apart, he gives me mixed signals, calls and visits when it is convienient for him, and i don't know what to do drop him off completely or wait around? He says he cares about me and misses me but I don't feel it at times, nor do his actions show it. I am the one who is always doing the chasing and making the effort. I really feel I care about him and want to make it work but...
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (8 September 2008):
 Hi there,
It looks like both of you are carrying some baggage around with you and this is making a committed relationship nigh on impossible.
If he is always going to put work first, then that is something at least he is being honest about, but it doesn't really make a girl's knees go weak hearing that does it?
And then there are by your own admition your controlling nature and trust issues. Two major league pieces of baggage to carry into any relationship. Yet you say you are working on these, which is great and demonstrates you want to make yourself more easy to get along with. But by the sounds of it I dont think he is working on putting relationships first priority in his life.
The upshot is that you both want different things, you have the chemistry but your lifestyles and personalities eventually brought conflict into your relationship.
It looks like he is settling for a distance relationship with good company and sex, but you still want more.
I don't think you will get much more out of him, judging by what you have said here.
But good luck anyway
A
female
reader, kle7  +, writes (8 September 2008):
Just learn from the way he is treating you... he says that he can live without you, and reality is that YOU can live without him! I know you feel like you don't want to lose him and that you want him to be a part of your life, but just concentrate on you, don't wait around on his phone calls, go out with your friends and really show him that you're not a sure thing that will always be there waiting arouond for when he gets ready for you... I hope the best for you.
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