A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband seems to hate giving foreplay because he is too tired so we end up not having sex. He makes me feel horrible about myself because I need foreplay to get warmed up. He'll make a feeble attempt then suddenly stop because it's too much work and he's too ti red and he'll angrily say 'why do I need to work on you I worked all day.' or maybe not those exact words but that's the idea behind what he says. I will end up cheating or leaving him. How do we solve this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Oh dear how long has this been going on I wonder? You must be feeling terrible. My 'harsh assessment' of the situation (sorry previous poster I had to steal the term), is that prehaps your guy is just a dud in bed or only interested in his own pleasure.
An alternative could be that he desires you and wants you from the moment he sees you where as you require extensive manual stimulation. He may be feeling like he is unattractive to YOU.
My advice would be to;
1- talk to him about this issue out of the bedroom. I like to bring up issues like this on long walks or in the car so there is no excape lol.
2- Take controle of your own pleasure prehaps you could read some erotic literature or the likes before he gets home.
3- Get the party started yourself. Buy some sex toys and sexy lingeree and indulge in a little self pleasure. No one knows your body better than you do. Just when your getting to the point where the big O is not far away call him in and ravish him.
4 - 2 words....mutual masturbation....let him watch you or TELL him exactly what you like he isnt a mind reader and although people can take a while to get horney it shouldnt take forever if you desire the person even a little.
5 - Make it a mutual thing. Give him a massage, light candles, wear perfume.
And lastly dont forget sex isn't just about getting off. Often the best sex i have had with my partner hasn't involved mutual orgasms but I feel increadibly close to him. There is pleasure to be had in giving pleasure so become a seductress. If he dosent appreciate it then yes, find someone better.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 December 2008):
 This is the universal problem with men unwilling to warm-up and properly satisfy their women, a basic obligation of manhood, but unless the man wishes to salvage a relationship, it is difficult to offer any kind of easy solution. Perhaps counseling would help if he is willing. My harsh assessment is that a man who cannot or is unwilling to satisfy a woman is not a real man, but I doubt that such an accusation is likely to help, and I think that it would be difficult to assert with any successful outcome. Still, in my opinion, such is the case. Indeed, a woman requires more attention, but her love and affection is worth it.
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