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age
41-50,
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writes: hi, I suppose this isn't really a complaint. I'm 18, gay. Apart from a little kissing and fondling with other guys, I never had sex til last year. It was so amazing, I was instantly addicted to this man and we've been doing it now for about 6 months. He's 25, gorgeous, and has really opened up my sexual world. He's really fit and well-built and I'm very slender and delicate, its a perfect match. The sex is amazing but sometimes I feel he's not all that interested in me as a person.i'm not expecting candle-lit dinners or a white wedding, but i sometimes think kisses and cuddles and meaningful conversation would be really lovely, and it seems to be almost entirely about sex. Also lately, the sex just keeps getting more n more intense, which is great, but recently he's started to call me names when we're being intimate and I don't know if i like that.Maybe I'm over-reacting and its no harm, but when i'm giving him oral pleasure or he's pumping me, it seems so beautiful and then he'll say 'kinky slut' or 'whore' and suddenly it feels a bit...like cheap, like that's what he thinks I am. Am I making too much of a fuss about nothing? I do love being his sex object but I don't want to be seen as just a sex object. Is that stupid? My girl pal says lots of the girls she knows would do anything to be with him.He's not nasty at all otherwise, and I couldn't give up the sex for anything. I know I could probably get any other man I want, but if I got a real romantic man I'd probably be complaing that he wasn't wild enough...anyway, thanks, i'm sorry i took so long!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who replied. Situation is improving all the time, he still isn't what you'd call the romantic type but we've got a similar sense of humour and really have a good laugh together. As far as the name-calling, I think I was just being too sensitive. I know he doesn't say that to be abusive, but as a fairly natural expression of the sexual dynamic we have, which is basically him-tarzan-me-Jane. I think it was just a question of becoming comfortable with it, and I now find it a huge thrill to be honest when he says that stuff. Thanks again!
A
male
reader, philipgifts  +, writes (11 May 2009):
 You should tell him that you want to spend a little more social time with him. As for sex, you feel degaded, and you should tell him to ease up on the language during sex. Ask him how he feels about your relationship, if its just mainly about the sex or if there is more to your relation- ship? I wouldn't shove all of this at him at once but over a two week period time. If you want to bring it up all at once just to clear the air. Start off saying that your not asking these things to be mean but you just want to know where he stands on these issues.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): I'm a chick, not a gay dude, but my boyfriend also likes to call me "slut," "bitch," "whore," and so on during sex only. I'm not offended at all by it because frankly it would sound pretty stupid if he called me "sweetheart" or "princess" in between talking dirty. I also know he's watched a LOT of porn in his life and that that is where he learned to talk like this.
Bottom line, I doubt your guy means harm by it, and it's probably just the heat of the moment. But if it bothers you, you owe it to yourself to bring it up with him and see what his justification is. You can't really blame him for continuing to call you those names if he enjoys it and doesn't know you object to it. Tell him what you've stated here and let his reaction be your guide. Good luck!
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