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female
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anonymous
writes: HI there,I wondered if anyone else feels the same way as me. Basically, I have only slept with about 7 people, and my boyfriend has LOADs more experience than me - he's slept with maybe 60, many of which were one night stands.We have been together two years and gradually, the amount we have sex has decreased. I guess thats normal. But now i cant help but feel insecure about all these women. Did they do things I dont do, and my boyfriend secretly wishes i were like them? Will he be tempted to go elsewhere because they were more exciting? I should say that whenever I have mentioned it, he says things are amazing, etc... but I just dont feel things are as exciting as they were. A man perspective would be so helpful here. I just dont feel i can compete with these women. My big thing is giving blowjobs - he always comes, but i always worry if im doing it right? I bet these other women - many of whom appear to have one night stands all the time - are much better at it than me. Yet HE seems to have this weird notion that as I am his girlfriend rather than just a one night stand there are certain things we shouldnt do - he doesnt like it if i send him dirty texts anymore, or if I mention doing something different like watching porn together or using a vibrator. He almot implies that that makes me seem like a slag.Please help. How can i be as good in bed as all the one night stands if he has put me in the 'wifey' box?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2006): I think you have a massive misconceptions of one night stands, to be honest. One night stands rarely, if ever, give someone "experience". They usually involve being drunk, and purely having sex for one purpose, to release sexual energy, they are not nights full of sensual passion.
I would be highly, highly surprised if your boyfriends one night stands involved any thing "intimate" that goes beyond straight forward "SEX". Many girls, especially, are self-conscious when they are having one night stands. Hense, the reason that they are almost certainly drunk. I doubt your boyfriend would have learnt much, if any thing, about women, or gained experience from his one night stand endeavors.
I do think your concerns are unwarranted, and I think you are unnecessarily making yourself feel like you are lacking, when, in fact, it seems your boyfriend is the one who could do a lot more to improve your sex life.
As for the blow jobs - you know how to find out if you are doing it right, ASK HIM. Ask him what he likes, and what he doesn't like. You can easily fix problems within minutes! All it takes is a short conversation. Similarly, talk to him about what he could do better to make you happy. Don't be afraid!
Honestly, I think your boyfriend is lying about the reasons for why he doesn't reply to your dirty texts, or why he is uncomfortable watching porn together or experimenting with sex toys. I think he is allowing you to believe it is your fault, when really, he is probably uncomfortable with it himself for his own reasons that I could only guess about.
But again, I assure you, you have no reason at all to feel inferior to him just because he has had so many one night stands. If he is honest to you, he'd admit what they were really like. If not, ask other people, I think you'll find 90% of one night stands are poor, unsatisfying and usually very regrettable; from the womens perspective, at least.
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