A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi DearCupid.For the past few months, I have been getting more and more depressed. I have just started my final year of A-levels, and already I feel like I'm getting lost in it all. I can't concentrate any more. My home life is volatile, with my mother and I invariably having disagreements. It just feels like my world is collapsing around me, and I'm struggling to cope.I have been with my boyfriend for almost 1 1/2 years, and he's recently moved away to take a job around 300 miles from me. Our relationship has always been long distance, but 100 miles was always manageable. Now, we will be lucky to see each other 6 times a year. Already, I can see differences in our relationship and we're not as close as we used to be. Since he's moved, the only amorousness and affection is introduced by me. For our anniversary just gone, I created a mini-movie for him. I didn't expect him to return my favour, but I had a feeling he'd forgotten it altogether, which upset me a little. This past week, our conversations have been rife with bickering about nothing, and me being scared I'm going to lose him. He knows how depressed I am, but I'm terrified that this, plus our distance will kill off our relationship. I don't know what to do. I need to see a doctor, but I need to find the time, and the courage to tell Mum. I don't want her to tell me it's just hormones.I don't want to end it all with my boyfriend as he's the only person in my life I can talk to about anything, but I'm worried that me being how I am will inevitably be the death of us. He suffered from depression too, but he's past it and stronger now unlike me. He seems to be losing his patience with me, and I don't want our relationship to be a chore- I don't want to be a burden to him.What would you do? Please help me.
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female
reader, On Cloud9 +, writes (22 September 2007):
It sounds like there are three major things going on in your life at the moment, your studying for A levels, your relationship with you mum and then your relationship with your boyfriend.
Regarding your A-levels I would suggest that you talk to your teachers if you can - they will understand and help to ease the pressure. Also set up some study groups with friends so that you can pull in whatever help you need from them too. It also keeps you socialising and helps you take your mind off your boyfriend.
Regarding your mum, I sympathise that you feel its difficult to be able to communicate your heartache about you boyfriend with her because it seems as though you are never taken seriously because you are so young. I can assure you that your mum will want to know that you are so unhappy. Sit with her and cry of you need to, she will see how seriously unhappy you are and be the comfort to you that you sound like you need. Remember all mums were your age too and likely went through the same thing.
Of all these things going on in your life, your boyfriend will be taking up most of your attention and that is mainly because, as you say, he is the only one that listens to you. So you need to get more people listening to you, like I say, your mum, your teachers, your friends...me,
My advice re what to do about your boyfriend would be, give him something to look forward to when he calls or emails etc. He is so far away that you don't have the fortune of having a row over the phone and making up with him in person a few hours later. He will remember the phone calls as being bad and start to associate them with earache and may eventually stop. If whenever he phones you were light and happy then he would enjoy them and be encouraged to visit more and contact you more.
But you can't fake 'happy, so I go back to what I said above though, in order for you to be happy with him, you need to start actually making yourself happier and that starts with talking to people about your problems and getting some of that stress off your chest.
I wish you all the best
A
female
reader, rose the relationship solver +, writes (22 September 2007):
 your Head is going round in circles, you and your mum, you and your boyfriend, and your A levels talk to your mum explain how stressed out you actually are and show her this letter that you wrote to me. She will understand. As for your boyfriend he is stressed by moving and his new job. Take it easy and talk to them both.
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