A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now, and although we have had a fair share of problems, we've both stayed together and both make each other happy. For the last couple of weeks my boyfriend has seemed really happy, but has had random moments where he gets really upset and will barely talk or smile...A couple of days ago, my boyfriend came over for a while and told me that he realised he felt like three different people, a different person here than he was at home and at college... So he told me that he didn't want me even talking to him for a couple of weeks, or until he came and found me sooner. He said that we are still together as a couple, just not speaking at all. This is odd considering we've at least spoken once a day since we started dating. Haven't seen each other every day because we both have different lives, but not even speaking for a couple of weeks is just a shock to the system.I was just wondering if it was fair for him to ask me to do this, without showing any concern for how I was going to feel about it. I told him to do it if he needed to because he made me feel guilty by saying that if he didn't do it and I stopped him, he wouldn't be happy. It's just really difficult for me because he's also my best friend as well as my boyfriend and I feel like I don't have anybody to talk to if things get bad... Is this fair? And also, do you think he could be lying about it? Maybe he has another reason... I don't know. I don't have any money to go out and do things with all of my friends so I just have to sit at home and think about this, and it's hard.Thank you for your time.
View related questions:
best friend, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your reply. He did promise me that we would stay together even after this little "break", but he is really not usually like this at all. He used to cry at the thought of not getting to speak to me... You have a point about being treated like a doormat - I'm afraid it's something that's been brought out to me many times. I always try and make him happy no matter what it costs me, and I believe he takes that for granted a lot of the time.
Thank you for your reply - It really made me think. It hadn't occurred to me that he wasn't really considering me as a person and so on... I just thought he needed some space, but you've really made me realise that it was a little unfair. Thank you very much. xx
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (7 March 2010):
 Every relationship is different, and every couple has their own way of coping with stress. So what seems odd to us might be perfectly reasonable for you two. Except that you wouldn't be posting here if you didn't find it odd, too.
I can't help but think that he's less certain about your relationship than you are. Of all the ways to deal with issues, I simply cannot understand how two weeks of not speaking to you is going to help, unless he's doing it as a trial separation. So yes, it's perfectly reasonable for you to wonder if something else is going on.
While it's very nice that you're willing to give him space to work out his issues, the line "he told me that he didn't want me even talking to him for a couple of weeks, or until he came and found me sooner" makes you at best passive, and even a bit of a doormat. Is this really the sort of relationship you want to be in? He doesn't seem to be considering you as a person, let alone treating you like a "best friend."
...............................
|
