A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is good friends with a woman he once had a sexual relationship with. They'e known each other for 13 years. When we first started dating three years ago, they stopped speaking for a long time (2 years). He continued to contact her during that time and they finally began speaking again and for the past year it is as if nothing ever happened. They run his business togther which he does not want me to be inolved in. This business takes up a great deal of his time and he doesn't make any major decisions without her. I recently found out that this extends far beyond the business. He seeks her advice on pretty much every major decision he makes...his regular job...personal finances...he even aaked her advice on wheter or not he should propose to me. Sometimes, due to his business, they attend social functions together. I have attended some of these functions with him, however, when she is there, he sometimes ignores me. He gets irritated when I try to make helpful suggestions. Other people who have seen he and I together and to whom I have been introduced as his girlfriend, often mistake her for his wife. My boyfriend assures me that he loves me and that she is like a sister to him. Should I believe him or do I have reason to be concerned? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, metalheadmom +, writes (6 December 2010):
 TRUST WHAT YOUR CONSCIENCE IS TELLING YOU.
If there is nothing going on, IF he does decide to propose to you, she will do whatever she has to do to make sure that doesn't happen. One of the two of them has ulterior motives - which one that is really doesn't matter. He needs to be more respectful of your feelings about this, and you need to set boundaries on how involved these two can be before it crosses your line.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): They had sex, right? Then they is no way there are like brother and sister. You have every right to be suspicious of their relationship. You need to sit and discuss your worries with him. If he denies his obvious sexual attraction to this woman, then consider leaving.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe hasn't proposed yet. If he doesn't think of her as a sister, should I trust thier friendship?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): I wouldn't like that. You are his main woman not her. I don't see why your opinion is so useless. He is not treating you right. Are you sure you want to be with this guy? He sounds like kind of a jerk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): I didnt read past the first line. If they had sex then there is no way she is like a sister to him. Never will be. You never cross that line with sisters, and if he saw her in that way then he wouldn't have crossed the line.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): His proposing to You makes you the woman in his life. You should trust his assurances. It saddens me, though, to hear that people take her for his wife, even when you are around... and that he ignores you ever when she is there. You have reason to be concerned about that, but not your standing in his eyes, if you take my meaning. It, I think, is more a bittersweet feeling than jealousy you might be feeling about this relationship of theirs, then.
:(
He loves you,
Tante Victoire
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