A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend just broke up with me five weeks ago and of course I've been very sad and been wanting him back. We've been together for 14 months and have had our ups and downs from the beginning. I've been very scared of relationships and have not been very good at showing my feelings or trying make the other person feel included in my life - despite the fact that I was totally into him. We met in England and moved to Scotland together, while he declined a scholarship for his studies in New York. For the first time in his life he took a decision to follow his heart to be with a woman. That's been very disappointing for him since we've had good times, but we've also been fighting way too much and have had discussions that lasted forever. Of course it's always two people, but I realized that I had been in a relationship that followed a very similar pattern before this one...so when he broke up I decided to change my life and do some counsellig etc.So as I said, he did break up during a fight. We had lots of plans, he was about to move in with me for a while and was convincing me to move to New York with him. But after that very indicative fight, he just told me that it's over, that we've had our chance, that we've tried everything possible and that he has no regrets and wants to move on. He was calm and almost seemed prepared for that.Afer that, I just left him alone for 2-3 weeks. Then went by to his place, returned some of his things and said that I accepted the break-up and that it was for the better. I apologized for the fight and told him what it made me realize...and of course that I was still missing him and that I want to make it work and give it time, so he didn't need to respond to anything. He seemed to be fighting his tears, I just stayed for 10 minutes and left..Then never heard from him again, so since he was about to head to France for two weeks I decided to meet up with him again before that, after 10 days or so after the last time I went there. We had a lovely evening, had a drink, went to the park, laughed...then back to his place to catch up. I felt like I needed a couple of answers, whether..it definitely is over or not. And he seemed reluctant to talk about anyhting and just said..that he was surprised I came to his place last time since the break-up was clear to him and everything's been said. Then, however, I did tell him that I would like to make it work with time and he just repeated the same things as during the break-up: He wants to move on, close this chapter since we're in different points of our lives. He then started crying though, and admitted that he was still missing me and that he still has deep feelings for me but that we've had our chance during those months in Scotland and that he's convinced that it's not meant to be.Eventually, the conversation turned into something different and we just spoke about our relationship. It seemed as though we should have done this a lot earlier. No resentment, just laughing and tears (only him). He said he always felt my love was conditional, that I was very demanding and that I never expressed any interest in him. I told him that I always felt clingy so held myself back and what things I would change in a new relationship. We hugged and I left...and that's it. Or is that it?I felt like he took a decision with his mind because our relationship wasn't making him happy and that there is nothing I can do to convince him to try again...even though, he still likes me so much. I just don't know, shall I give it one more shot to show my feelings rather than just talking?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Relationships are quite hard at times, I assume he realises this? Perhaps you should do some very deep deep soul searching and praying and try and figure out if you are meant to be together and if you could have a happy life together. If you think that you can and that you are compatible, then sure try one last time.
If not better to make peace with this and move on to bigger and better things. It is important to be compatible with someone on many little levels, if you are going to spend the rest of your life with them.
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