A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:{Moderator note: two related questions from the same OP combined}Hey, so, I'm feeling a little out of sorts. I've been dating this guy for a little over a month now, and he said that he loves me. I was completely shocked, and I didn't really feel like I thought I would have when the time would have come for that sort of thing.Understand that my last relationship was different. It was, honestly, like love at first sight. But he didn't feel the same, he dragged me around for a year making empty promises, and would lie when I asked if he loved me back. He ended up leaving me for another woman he met online and tortured me on a daily basis with the affection he showed her that I could never have. But, the point is, I'm not ready to get in that deep with my new boyfriend. Not that I don't trust him, I just don't think I'm ready to have those feelings (obviously, it's been a month).But, the guy I'm with is very understanding, he knows that I'm not ready to say it back. But I'm worried about if I wait too long, if he'll get impatient. Should I tell him about my last relationship just so I can make him understand why I'm scared to have those feelings?-----Hey, to make this brief, I just need a quick answer.I've been dating this guy for a little over a month, and things have been good. He is super sweet, and treats me better than any boyfriend I've ever had. He takes me out to dinner every time we're together, and he spoils me with flowers and lots of affection. And I love all that affection.However, he's also extremely insecure. He always asks if we're going to last. Or when I go to visit him after work, I'm always stressed out, because my job sucks, and he always thinks that I'm mad at him, and asks me CONSTANTLY if I am. And, we live about an hour away from each other, and he always wants me to come over, or him to come to my house. It's such a burden to drive that far, and if I tell him that I'm not up for the drive, or it's bad weather, he thinks that's my way of dodging him. I'm constantly reassuring him.Should I be concerned with his behavior?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2014): act of loving is not a decision
its a feeling
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (18 October 2014):
 You can tell him your last relationship made you fearful of trusting anyone. No need to go into details. That way he will understand it's not his problem. It's important that you touch that subject only briefly. You open yourself up to him and show him you can be honest without making him worry that you are still into your ex.
I don't think his love for you is alarming or excessive. When you love a person you want to see them happy and you would want to hang out with them a lot. Ask yourself what you want. Do you want a potential of a long term relationship or just someone to pass the time or to prove your worth?
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