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female
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anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for twelve years and he ended a year ago. He was adament that we remain friends and I guess I went along with it as I thought something was better than nothing. We have not had a physical relationship in that time. He sent me an email today which said that since all he could offer me was grief he could only really offer me noting. He said he did not want to hurt so was offering nothing. I have tried to get him on the phone but it is busy. I really do not..or maybe do not want to understand this. Can anyone figure out what this could mean. Any replies are welcome. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PreciousNY  +, writes (5 May 2008):
I think that what he is saying is that he is breaking all ties with you but blaming himself to avoid hurting you. I am with my husband 14 years and could never be friends with him if we broke up. I don't think that is possible for anyone. Don't try to talk to him and don't reply to his message. Move on. There is someone out there that is just right for you who is going to love you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): Twelve years is a very long time to be with someone, and I in fact have had an 11 year dating relationship in my past so I know a little about this. My ex and I were always best friends, and when he moved away for his job and he asked me to move too, he asked me to marry him as well, at that time it was a little too late for me, as he had rejected me and the idea of marriage for so many years on the basis of him not having his life where he wanted it to be...(he was struggling with getting the job of his dreams, because of the recession that was going on with the airline and oil industries in the 1980's) so he kept putting our future off, then when he was finally ready, I had let him go in my heart.
I don't know the circumstances of your 12 year relationship, but I can tell you this, it is very hard to break that tie, and when one of you moves on and finds another to love is the time to definately break it off, friendship and all....it is just too hard.....to be that close and to see that person have the life you always wanted with them and them having it with someone else.
I am very happy my ex is married and had three lovely daughters, I know this about him, but I haven't spoken to him in years and don't intend to....his life does not include me in it and vice versa and that is the way it should be....Maybe he is saying it is very hard for him to see you knowing you both are moving on.....I know my ex felt that way.....sometimes letting go is the most loving thing you can do for someone.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 There is another meaning to it .
He told you the truth that he cannot offer you what you want in life.
But if you are willing to be with him , you are welcome .
It is a man's way of saying, I like you but I cannot afford you or give you that kind of lifestyle.
He is giving you the option to leave him for someone better.
It is not that he does not love you but he is just being realistic or pragmatic.
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 It is his way of ending it without deliberately hurting you - in his eyes. Cut your losses and accept it is truly over and move on from this you are now free to find someone who will truly love you x
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): Twelve years is a long time...are you still 'pining' for him or are you over him? Do you think he has another serious love interest or a relationship in his life, that you are unaware of? This could be an 'excuse' or a way to make a final break with you. Some people do this, for fear of hurting another person, especially one he likely felt bad about breaking up with after so many years. If you don't think this is it, there is no point in trying to figure out if there is a hidden meaning here. The healthiest, best thing to do is to 'accept and respect' what he has stated and like the other Aunts said, and try your hardest to mourn, heal and recover. I think it's over..and I am sorry
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (5 May 2008):
 I agree with oldersister, he is cutting all ties with you, friends and all. He is chosing to end things by putting himself down, which isn't all that attractive but that's the route he chose to go.
So, move on with your life without this friend in the picture. I'm sorry but I think this is what you don't want to hear or know.
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