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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been going out with my new boyfriend now for about 3 weeks, but the thing is, we've had sex from day 1 til now,except for twice,which i wouldn't normally do. He said that sex isn't everything and that he cares about me,so how come i feel like and pressured in a way, to have sex every time that i see him for?, and he would do this to me for? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionId just like to thank all of those people who replied to my question. Its much appreciated.
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (1 October 2006):
 I know someone that was in the situation where she felt she had to have sex with her boyfriend everytime she saw him and give him sexual attention when in his company, some of it was her feeling that if she didn't give him sex all the time he would get it elsewhere, or that she could get the love, affection and attention from him while having sex with him as his attention was 100% on her and nothing else at that moment in time, in alot of the situation it was her feeling insecure especailly when the relationship was new and she found that not giving him the sexual attention he was then given the chance to prove to her that the relationship was more than sex and he wanted to be with her even when she wasn't giving him what she really believed he wanted from her.
Hope this helps :o)
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female
reader, xAngeliquex  +, writes (1 October 2006):
 Hey there, I know where you're coming from. If we're on the same page here, I know someone who feels exactly the same way, that even if her boyfriend says that sex isn't everything, she seems to think that by him saying that, he's subtly hinting that he wants to have sex with her. I don't understand WHY she thinks this, but if this is how you feel, then you and her are in the same boat.
Why do you actually feel like this? Is it because you feel that if you DON'T then he will love you less or you are putting your relationship on the line? Having a meaningful relationship cannot be purely physical. The most of a relationship is mental - how well you bond, etc. I'm sure you know this already hun.
I'm not saying this is the reason why you feel that you are "pressured" into having sex with him every time you see him, but with my friend, she found out that the reason she thought she must have sex with him all the time was because she thought by doing so, it will secure their relationship - she had a bad childhood and was deprived of love as a little girl, so she is quite clingy as a result.. If this makes sense. So maybe your childhood is a factor.
But as Wendy said, do not allow sex if you don't want it. Having sex without actually wanting it with someone who has pressured you is as good as rape. Take care x
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female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (1 October 2006):
 How is he pressuring you hun ? Is he putting you in a situation that makes you feel you have to have sex with him ?
If he said it wasnt the be all and end all and meant it then the next time he iniates something and your not sure hold back. Dont make it sex every time, try and do other things with him. You sholdnt feel that you cant say no for fear of losing someone. At the start of a new realtionship it does tend to start off having a lot of sex with one another, the feeling of cant keep each others hands off, but if you are not comfortable with this tell him. Tell him that you would like to do some other quality things with him other than sex all the time.
Im not sure in which way you are feeling pressured, i can only think that each time you see each other he makes a move on you. Tell him no politely your not in the mood or you want to do something else. IF he means what he says and he likes you for you then he shouldnt have a problem. Never do what you dont want to do. He should understand if there are times when you would rather do soemthing else.
To feel pressured into something is never a good sign and if he cant see that you are feeling this way then he may not be the one for you.
Talk to him and tell him that yeah whilst you think its great having sex with him you want more to the two of you than just that.
Maybe start by putting yourselves in situations where you cant have sex, ie go out for the evening and go home alone. Go out for the day involve other people hang out doing different things and gradually it will be more about the two of you than just sex. If he still insists on having sex all the while tell him its not what you want and you want a guy that sees more than just sex!
Take care x
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