A
female
age
41-50,
*orceedea
writes:I have been down and depressed for the past couple of days because I fell in love with a guy who obviously is still hooked on his ex whom he still lives with and has a child with. But here's my story. I met him at work. He was my supervisor and told me from the beginning that he still lives with his ex and has a child with her. He told me that they are not together and that she heated on him. He introduced me to his son and his ex who confirmed that she is his ex and that they are not together. I continued seeing him and in he process fell in love. However, I began to recieve emails from his supposedly ex gfs friend saying that they are stop beinintimate. I confronted him and her both about it and they both said the information is false. I left it at that but the e-mails continued. After a while, she confronted me and told me it was true. she said she asked him to tell me the truth and ask about our relationship status so that she won't feel bad about having sex with him. the thing is when I confronted him about it he said it is a lie and that he has fallen in love with me. when I asked him to prove it to me by moving out cause I can't trust or believe him by him still living and staying there. he said he understood me and agreed with me. as days passed the situation got worse and worse. she was constantly at war with him and I was always in the middle. he kept asking me to trust him and to believe him that she just wanted to break us up. she told me she wanted a second chance from him but he told me he didn't love her and can't trust him and does not want to be with her after her cheating. Well, when things got so bad for me emotionally, I called it off and told him that he had to prove to me that he loves me by looking for me and fixing this situation. he agreed and I stopped contacting him for a while. I didn't hear from him for 4 days straight until he decided to contact me to tell me through text that he is ending things with me. he said he couldn't deal with the fact that I couldn't trust him or believe him and prefered to listen to others and believe others not him. I told him that he should have never contacted me if he didn't want anything to do with me. I asked him why did he contact me after I told him to do so ONLY if he wanted to be with me and was serious and sincere about his feelings. it hurts and I am pissed. that same day, this supposedly friend messages me saying that he decided to fix things with her and stay with his family. I told him this and he said "keep believing other people" I told him that he should understand me and where I am coming from. But he said that I couldn't and didn't believe him when he told me he loved me and wanted to start a life with me. I don't understand why would he do that? And this was yesterday. I have not heard from him since. today this girl message me just to tell me that her friend told her that he asked her to tell her friend not to keep in contact with me cause she's not helping the situation. I ask myself why tell me this? what is the point of all this? why did he contact me if he wanted nothing with me after I told him ONLY to contact me if he is sincere and serious about wanting to be with me? why did his he's friend contact me to tell me he asked her not to continue contacting me? I don't get it. what was the point? Can anybody give me an idea? I think he was just using me and maybe wanted sex. he asked me not to hate him and said he is sorry to have ended things this way. I told him he is not sorry, never loved me, and that I do hate him and can't forgive him for this because he was too coward to confront me and tell me the truth. can anybody give me their opinion about this please? just need some insights because I do not understand why? he says one thing but shows another and I hear something different. this has been painful and tremendously tortouroous. I just need to understand why? he said I didn't break anything because it was already broken but I feel like I did. I'm so upset :-(.
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at work, depressed, ex girlfriend, fell in love, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 November 2012):
 You ask: "I just need to understand why?" Here's why.....
When it comes to matters of enjoying s*x with a - or several - woman/women, men will say or do whatever it takes to get and keep (interested) as many as he deems that he wants....
Many guys are true, honest, faithful, and have a relationship with one woman....
OTHERS, on the other hand, feel that they need and/or are entitled to two (or more) women. You have encountered one of them.
I hope that, once you have this explanation... and after you've had time to let it settle in that you will feel comfortable telling this cad that it's over, and you will be on your way, and will not be looking back....
Good luck....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): "he decided to contact me to tell me through text that he is ending things with me. he said he couldn't deal with the fact that I couldn't trust him or believe him and prefered to listen to others and believe others not him."
Typical weasel tactic, trying to guilt you into apologizing to him by blaming you for his shortcomings.
"But he said that I couldn't and didn't believe him when he told me he loved me and wanted to start a life with me. I don't understand why would he do that?"
Because he wanted to string you along for casual sex strictly for his pleasure and strictly for his convenience with absolutely no obligation and absolutely no commitment whatsoever, and he assumed the easiest way to accomplish that would be by playing on your guilt by telling you he loved you and wanted to start a life with you but you didn't.
"this girl message me just to tell me that her friend told her that he asked her to tell her friend not to keep in contact with me cause she's not helping the situation. I ask myself why tell me this? what is the point of all this?"
She's following his orders, or maybe he's using her phone to message you.
"why did he contact me if he wanted nothing with me after I told him ONLY to contact me if he is sincere and serious about wanting to be with me?"
Because unfortunately you played right into his hands by effectively giving him a reason to pretend he was everything he is not.
"I think he was just using me and maybe wanted sex. he asked me not to hate him and said he is sorry to have ended things this way. I told him he is not sorry, never loved me, and that I do hate him and can't forgive him for this because he was too coward to confront me and tell me the truth. can anybody give me their opinion about this please?"
I agree 100% with your assessment.
"just need some insights because I do not understand why?"
He's a scumbag.
"he says one thing but shows another and I hear something different. this has been painful and tremendously tortouroous."
He's lying.
"I just need to understand why?"
He's a lying scumbag.
"he said I didn't break anything because it was already broken but I feel like I did. I'm so upset :-(."
You didn't break anything. HE was already broken. He is a charming, manipulative con artist who knew exactly what to see to lure you in. You were vulnerable and gullible and he took advantage of you. Everything he did to you is classic behavior right out of the Lying, Cheating, Emotionally Controlling, Emotionally Abusive Scumbag 101 Handbook.
All you can do is learn from your error in judgment and move on while realizing all men are not lying, cheating, emotionally controlling, emotionally abusive scumbags; only lying, cheating, emotionally controlling, emotionally abusive scumbags are lying, cheating, emotionally controlling, emotionally abusive scumbags.
...............................
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