A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Met someone ten years younger 5.5 months ago. He was divorcing (bitterly) with 4 children under 5. We became friends, I supported him through difficult times, I helped with the children during the holidays, ten days ago he announced that he felt he would like to have a relationship with me. 2 days ago (ie after one week) he said he had decided it wouldn't work, the following day(yesterday) he sent a message to say the 2 yo child, who became very close to me, wanted to call me. what am I to do for the best?PS he is not a game-player Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): Oh gosh, what a heartbreaking dilemma for you! My question is: What can "you" cope with and handle here? It could mean continued contact with this man. It may mean seeing him with another partner. And realize, this child does have a Mother? Someone, he/she already is deeply connected to already. Am I right? Listen hun, children get attached to people very easily and obviously, you made an deep impression this little child. However, if you were to cut contact, I think at 2 years old...he/she would bounce back, make a good recovery and forget over time. But if you did stay in touch with your ex, you'd have to disconnect from him, completely and that would be very challenging. In all honesty, I'd recommend you leave this ex bf's life completely. A gut wrenching decision, I know. Dating someone with a children, is tough. I'd like to recommend that, in the future if you are to date a divorced man, make sure you don't help him with the children, right out of the starting gate. I'd suggest that the children meet you but you should wait at least, to see if this relationship gets on really, really solid ground, first. I know relationships are risky anyways, but when it comes to kids...one has to have some certainty, it will fly. You sound like a very giving person, one which children come to love and connect with, quickly. You have to understand, there's always a good chance, kids will continue to become attached to you. So be patient, take your time and always wait at least a 9 months- a year until you meet the kids. This way the kid isn't suffering unecessary loss especially after a divorce. Good luck, sweety and I am sorry that you even have to make this decision.
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