A
female
age
51-59,
*arla
writes: my boyfriend of an off and on again relationship of two and a half years, have recently reconnected, even though i moved 2500 miles away from him on our last separation. its just been two months and the last month we've made that connection back stronger than ever and know we want and will be back together as soon as we can. however, during the time we were apart he met somebody else, slept w/her more than three times and told her he loves her (he said he was drunk and didnt mean it like he does me) and now insist that he be able to keep this friendship. he says he has a big heart (he does) and shes going through stomach caner (or something like that) and just wants to be her support. he says he has no feelings for her that way and never really did, he was upset that i left and just wanted comfort. i don't feel comfortable w/this and asked him to give her up. is that wrong of me (i mean its only been a month and we have 2 1/2 years). he thinks im over reacting and need to chill cause im his one and only, yet many nights i'm left with unanswered text and calls and not sure he's even made it home (from the bar). any suggestions or comments would be appreciated because i feel i'm going just crazy with this
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 November 2010):
I think you need to stop looking at this guy as a boyfriend, and instead look at him for what he is.
When a guy is with someone else, and he tells that other woman he loves her, and then turns around and tells you he never meant that and in fact he loves you, he's a liar and cheat, pure and simple.
You two have been on/off for 2 years, and you have moved 2500 miles away. And now he's having a great time telling another woman he loves her, having sex with another woman and has made no real effort at all in any way to show he loves you. He's not even answering your texts anymore. And the best thing he can say? "You're overreacting, you need to chill".
I think like too many women, you're looking for something that's just not there. I don't think it ever was. No man who truly loves a woman acts this way. I think you love him, but I don't think he loves anyone else but himself.
Let's face it, if he loved you, you wouldn't have been on/off for over two years of your lie. You'd have been together, as a couple, and you'd have moved as a couple. And he certainly wouldn't be telling other women he loves them.
You've moved away, 2500 miles, and since this wasn't working before, it won't work now. I'd say it's time to break away from the guy who so clearly isn't committed, and find a much better guy who will.
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