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female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 10 months decided to bring to my attention his confusion in our relationship on New Years Day. We had a great New Years Eve, we kissed at 12, he held my hand...He sat me down and confided (as he was drunk) '[My name], I love you so much, but i'm so scared. It freaks me out that i can love someone as much as i do...it's like i want to protect you but i know you can stick up for yourself, it's like i want to always be with you, but i want you to have space and i want to miss you. I can't seem to hug you hard enough.' With that, as you can imagine my heart melt. He told me he loved me first about 4 months previous to this, and i replied (just so you understand). That night he slept at my house, and we just relaxed, he left about 5pm and i assumed everything was ok. I didn't hear anything from him till 10pm that night when he rang me...seeming like something was up. He explained that he felt confused about our relationship and didn't want to mention anything. 50% of him wanted to be with me and the other 50% didn't want to be in a relationship. I was stunned and tried to talk it through with him just what was bothering him. We seemed to have straightened things out past 11 and so he said he had to go and that we were still 'ok' and he felt better. Which of course i was happy about.Now this is when i get really confused. The next day i didnt hear from him till 4 in the afternoon, when i text him first. He replied pretty sharply in a normal way..but the texts became more and more confusing. Highlighting what he said the night before but in a much more definate way. he text me 'I wish i wuda met ta wen i was older coz its like its 2 early in me life to b in a deep relationship. coz i love u 2 bits and i wana b with u forever but like not now. i jus wana b wit the lads b not think aba relationships . its not coz i dnt love u, i love u wi all my heard n i want u 2 be the one. i jus wish i wuda met u later in my life.'After that message a couple more were sent and then it was pretty much established that he wanted what we had to end. I suggested that i go up to his house and talk it through with him but he said it would only change his mind. the last message he sent me after i asked him if we were over said;'i cnt reply bk to that question . al im sayin is that im so sorry. an please dnt hate me.'I replied to the message with one sayin i was coming up to his house because i thought it best that he told me to my face. He rang me on the fone crying his eyes out saying i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry, i'm a ##* and and you deserve better.I went up to his house, where he had taken the car round to the close woods. With no tax or mot (the thicko). And we talked, and talked and talked. He changed his mind. he was sobbing his heart out, and kept wanting to hug me. He met me with 'Your so gorgeous' and then burst out crying how can i do this too you. Im jus not ready. i'm Scared. We left it that he was going to come to my house the following day and talk through it, but by the time i got home i wasnt so teary as annoyed that he had hurt me so much. So i rang him and demanded that he tell me what he wanted. After a 45 MINUTE conversation, i got him to say 'I dont wanna be in a relationship...but its not you, your the one for me, but at 22 i dont want my life like this.' (he forgets i'm only 20, as if i want marriage right now!) Has anybody got any suggestions as to what i can do, I really do love him, and he says that he loves me and that the breakup is nothing to do with what i've done. Thankyou...again i'm sorry for how long it is
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of your advice. I've spoken to many of my friends and family about this situation and they are all seeming to say the same thing. That he will come crawling back, wanting what we had back. I'm personally in two minds about this...but we will see. It's just so confusing for me right now, and it's almost like there is no rhyme or reason. I'm not a clingy girlfriend, never have been...any commitments made between us were instigated by him. -He asked me to go out with him..-He told me that he loved being with me first.-He told me he loved me first.-He suggested moving in together in a couple of years. I've not so long ago got out of a very heavy maintenced relationship, where the man wanted me married off with kids. I just wanted to paint the picture a little clearer...thank you again and i suppose the only choice i've got is to continue my life, and wait for the phonecall.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 I agree with Baby Duck. I would add that I think what this relationship needs is a cooling off period. He is feeling trapped and confused. You are being hurt because he can't seem to make up his mind.
What he doesn't realize is that it is not a crime to love someone too much. You can't choose when you will meet someone or how it will go. There are three components to a relationship, the two people and timing. It seems his timing is off a bit and that is what he is trying to get his head around.
I think you should talk to him and tell him that your wish is to enjoy the relationship for what it is. Let it unfold and see where it goes. Ask him to think about what he is wanting in his life. Having a girlfriend you love doesn't equal marriage. You should tell him how you feel (IE: you love him but you are not ready to settle down either but that you want to share these moments in your life with him.) Then you should tell him that you will give him some time 3-5 days to think about what he wants and that you too will think about what you want. Hey-you should be thinking about whether he is mature enough to handle a relationship and if he will only hurt you a month down the road when again can't deal with his feelings.
I too like happy endings and it seems like with the two of you you have a good thing going. I hate to see it end over timing.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 When the heart is no more there, what is the point of holding on to the dead body ? You only got an empty shell. Might as well buried it and move on. Cherish all those memories , if you want ,if you don't, then wipe your plate clean and start all over again.
Love him as a friend and no more.....
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