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female
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*is6372
writes: My boyfriend and me had a long talk last night, He used to say I was controlling because he'd go out and if he didn't call in a 3 day period then I'd be mad, well I've changed but now he never comes to bed so I always have to wake him up off the couch and ask him to get in bed, he is now saying that this is being controlling, what can I do so he doesn't feel controlled or trapped?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (5 May 2006):
 Hold on. Your boyfriend goes out for 3 days and doesn't call? And you got angry!? Wait up! You are 100% entitled to be angry in that situation. You don't have to spend all your time together and know where he is all the time, but as your boyfriend he should show you the courtesy of letting you know roughly where he is and when he'll be back. That's just common decency and trust, important elements in a good relationship.
The problem with him falling asleep on the sofa is that you don't get to go to sleep together. Falling asleep together is a way of feeling connected and intimate. Him sleeping on the sofa probably makes you feel unloved and unwanted. Not to mention you end up having less sex. No wonder you want him to come to bed! You are being completely normal there. All my girlfrends have told me that they like it when I come to bed at the same time as them, and they were (mostly) average normal girls. You are not being controlling or weird, you just want to feel special and loved. That's perfectly reasonable, and you deserve it.
To be frank, it sounds like your relationship in general needs some work. A man saying he feels controlled or trapped is usually just a general way of saying that he is not happy. Likewise, you are clearly unhappy about some things. The two of you should focus on each other for a while, try to show each other love and tenderness, make time for each other, and plan a few fun special activites together (like going out somewhere nice, or a weekend away).
A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (5 May 2006):
 you are being controlling leave him alo9ne he is doing no harm.
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