A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years. We have had good times and bad. This my first relationship, well real relationship. Every other guy in my life has hurt me. I feel like I'm not good enough for him. He looks at porn a lot and it makes me feel even worse. I feel like he's not attracted to me like he says he is. I feel like he rushes through sex with me. He says we're sexually compatible and he's not going anywhere. I don't believe him. I've seen girls he's been with and how I'm his type I don't know. He says if I don't stop being so jealous and insecure it's not going to work, But I can't help it, what should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): I am a happy, confident, attractive woman and yet there are things that men in my life have done that have left me feeling insecure. My two cents:
If it's a loving man, he'll take a look at the cause and effect with you and work out a compromise, a solution that meets both of your needs.
If he's a selfish man who doesn't want to change, he'll pin it on you. He'll make you feel like you're being too demanding. He'll try to make you feel like you have no right to expect anything from him and that it's YOUR problem. Don't fall for it.
If you feel like he's rushing in bed and you tell him, a loving partner will not waste that valuable opportunity to have a BETTER sex life with his woman. But a selfish partner will let you believe it's your insecurity.
If you have issue with the porn and he tries to make you feel like it's a self-esteem issue and therefore YOURS to deal with and not something you have to solve as a couple... he's being selfish. Even if he feels like he's not doing anything wrong and that you "shouldn't" be hurt, the fact that it hurts you is something he should care about if he loves you.
Trust your gut. You are worthy of a happy, loving relationship so don't settle. Either work this through or move on, but don't try to suck it up. No partner is perfect, but you are allowed to have needs and to be heard and respected! (And so is he) Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): Leave the loser!
You WILL find someone who respects you. I have no time for men like this!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): There is a big trust factor in your foundation.
Maybe this guy just isn't the right guy for you.
It sounds harsh and blunt but that is the way it seems.
The fact that you're jealous is understandable, if you care about someone you are going to be jealous. The fact that you are insecure however isn't the most positive thing. Rather then help you not be insecure, he threatens to end the relationship. It seems like he has to much control in this relationship. I understand that you really like him a lot and you care about him a lot, and this may not be the best answer you will want to hear, but maybe it is best that you find someone else more compatible, someone that will comfort your insecurities rather then threaten them.
He needs to understand that you aren't the only person losing someone, If this relationship ends, he will also lose you, And you are something worth losing, rather he knows it or not.
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