A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17, and a junior in high school. Last summer, an ex girlfriend of mine falsely accused me of attempted rape. The case didn't get very far, the police dropped it almost immediately, and another organization that specializes in sex abuse cases for minors found me innocent also. Basically, I was found innocent beyond doubt. This barely hurt my reputation inside school either, considering a very vast majority of people who heard about the case (mostly friends of both me and the girl) took my side, even a good chunk of the girls best friends. But generally, the case stayed out of the ears of the public in the school, with only a handful knowing about it.But now I'm about to be dating a girl for the first time since then (our first date is tomorrow). I haven't known her that long, and she doesn't know about the case as far as I know. I figure that since it's still fairly recent, and since the case still occasionally does get mentioned around (as you'd expect in a school of teenagers), I figure it would be better if she learns about the case from me. How would be the best way for me to let her know this? I'm really good friends with one of her best friends (female), who's known about the case for a long time, so I'm thinking it might be best to attempt to mention it in the most casual way possible, when her friend is around too. I also figure I won't bring it up for at least a little while, since I doubt the last thing you want to hear on a first date with someone you don't know too well is "I was accused of attempted rape once". Does anyone have any advice on how I could handle this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): I'm the original poster again.
I don't know why the old girl decided to accuse me. My friends and I have been trying to figure that out since it happened.
and "you might scare her cuz she may not believe that it was false" is my main concern, that I'll scare her off just telling her immediately, especially since I don't know her overly well. I danced with her at a school dance, and then it's been mostly small talk, getting to know each other a little better. I think that it would probably be better to get to know her better, develop her trust towards me, and then let her know that. I can't wait too long though, like was said, because that would make it seem like I was hiding it. We'll see after a date or so how it goes, and then I'll bring it up to her I think.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): If you were found innocent then i would just tell her before she finds out from someone else, because if she founds out from someone else then it will seem like you have something to hide. Just pull her aside and tell her that you need to confront her about something serious, and you rather she hear it from you personally then someone else. If you were found innocent and people agree with that ruling then you will have nothing to worry about. If she is the right girl for you, then she will believe you, rather then believe anything she hears about you. If she doesn't understand the situation, you should consider finding someone else that will understand.
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (18 January 2009):
 Its better comming from you than through someone else.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (18 January 2009):
Mate, if you were found innocent by two seperate organisations and you know very well you didn't do it then your innocent right!?!
Id just tell her. If she's really a good girlfriend she will be fine and be with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Clarify, why does this old girl accuse you of if anything? and well, depends on the girl, you might scare her cuz she may not believe that it was false, and run away, tell her that you have a past, and dont want to ruin the date because it's heavy, cuz what if you tell her? she leaves, and tells everyone at school? Do you know her well? Just think about saving it for date #2
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