A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:I need help!! I never thought of my self to be a jealous person i never realy have been that jealous over things before, but i get realy mad when my boyfriend talks to other girls especially if i think they're 'better' than me, im always checking his facebook to make sure theres nothing suspicious, and if i see something i dont like ill get mad at him and we'll have an argument over it. He says i need to trust him more and yes he's right, but there was something he did in the past which is most likley the reason i dont trust him (ill explain in a second) he keeps saying he's going to change his facebook password but i really dont want him too. Anyway ill just give a short explanation of what happend in the past, when i first started going out with him he seemed to flirt with my best friend alot, all my friends noticed too, so one night i went onto her facebook to see how they spoke to eachother not expecting alot, and i found messages like 'do you wanna have sex with me yes or no'? 'dont you think im sexy'? Lots of other stuff, i confronted them about it and they said they were only 'joking' but they seemed pretty serious to me. Yes me and my best friend did fall out not for long but we've only just started to become close again and that was about 4 months ago. Also all my boyfriends in the past have tret me badly or ive been hurt realy badThe first one my longest one (a year) was always starring at others girls which i ignored and didnt realy care about like i said back then i didnt used to care, then he started saying "ooh shes hot" still i didnt really care that much, then he lied about everything we argued every day and he cheated on me eventually, that relationship ended pretty badThe second one after about a year after the first, went out with me for two weeks, then i broke up with him because he didnt show any interest in me what so ever he always used to say he was gunna meet me and he didnt, then about a week later i found out from school he had sex with another girl the day before i broke up with him (no wounder he was acting strange)The third which lasted a month, wanted to finger me but i realy didnt want him too, he then shoved his hand down my knickers and refused to take it out i pulled at his arm but it just didnt work then he did it and it realy hurt me. and the fourth (lasted a month)acctually tret me really well we never had one argument the best relationship ive ever had, but he asked my friend if i was frigid, then about a week after that he dumped me and i was realy hurt because i realy liked him, he said he wasn't ready for a relationship, three days later he had another girlfriend. I guess he dumped me because he wanted sex and i didnt want to give it him not just yet.So ive had a pretty bad past, also when the fourth one broke up with me i had a panic attack it was awful and ive had about three more since with my current boyfriend. Is it my fault i get jealous, is there anything i can do about it? Because its a horrible feeling, why do i even get jealous? I dont acctually think hes gunna cheat on me or anything i dont think hes like that.
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best friend, broke up, cheated on me, facebook, flirt, frigid, jealous, sex with another Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 Jealousy is a common, somewhat normal emotion in love relationships. And men are notorious for provoking it and then blaming us for being "jealous" like it's a defective label. It's not. It's the result of broken trust and shady behavior in a relationship that cause mis-trust and then jealousy arises when you see it for yourself. Men are generally the cause of much jealous behavior and I also think they rarely feel the emotion to the same degree we do (sometimes but not as much). Women are much more competitive in their relationships than people realize (including us). And men are famous for being somewhat weak around a pretty female, like all will power flies out the window. It's no wonder we tend to proceed cautiously into romance, keeping our guard up while keeping an eye on the competition, even our friends can turn into enemies if they don't watch their step around our men. My advice is this, if you're going to snoop on his facebook page you can't actually tell him, otherwise he'll just change the password and lock you out. On the other hand, once you've uncovered something that p^^^ you off, it's very hard to sit on that information and come up with creative ways to talk about it without revealing how you know it. For now, just tell him why you have problems with trust. Young women always go into their first romantic relationship, fully trusting a guy, and then are extremely shocked and upset when the guy cheats on them. After that you always look at guys with an air of caution and a little mistrust. It's their own fault, really. Just try not to become obsessed. It's a sure way to drive them away and into the arms of another woman.
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