A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend states that i am always picking fights with him...I wanted to know if i actually am.I am currently unemployed and i've been going for job interviews...of late there was one extremely good offer where i made it to the final round and then i got rejected as all positions were filled by the time i was interviewed.I was sad that night.Called up my guy...and he says stuff like..."you told me abt the final round....why didn't you tell me when the 1st round began?"ME : "I was too preoccupied with the interview...but i told u when i made it...and you knew i had an interview so if i was late by a few hours...why is that bothering you?"Him : You should have told me...and you were behaving weird in the morning.ME: I was not...i was just tense about the interview.And then we had an argument about that.The thing is...he doesn't understand me when i tell him that i need to concentrate on the job at hand...that i want his support...he keeps on saying stuff like this...making me feel unnecessarily guilty.I have a lot of things on my mind...sometimes if i am a bit under pressure...why doesn't he support me..why is he always complaining?i can't go on like this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 sometimes we might think we are not complaining, but really we are in our non-verbal body language . When one person loves another they get to know every nuance, every gesture of body language. People are pretty quick to pick up every little gesture. He's picking up all your attitudes and gestures and tone of voice to indicate yout dissatisfaction, and to him it feels like that is directed at him. And he's telling how hurtful he's finding it. You can either heed or ignore his request. But to his perception it is a problem between the two of you. Maybe sit down and ask him what he wants and expects from you, to show you care?
Hope that helps?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what should i do? Its not like i complain...he just wants too much attention all the time...which sometimes i can't give him :(
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 December 2010):
there seems to be a mis match between his expectations and your expectations. You have your ways of reacting, and maybe a tiny bit more empathy on your part would calm things down. We are responsible for what we do and say. No one else HAS to look out for us. They choose to look out for us if they feel they want to. And it's not all about you. He wants to feel cherished, appreciated and loved. He'll determine if he is cherished, appreciated and loved - more by your
actions, the tone you use to speak to him, and the way you act around him. If he always feels he is being chastised, judged or complained about, it is going to be very off putting for him. He's still with you, so he loves you, but it's not easy for
him all the time. Hence the tension
creeping into your relationship. And now he's complained about it, so telling you it upsets him.
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