A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive got this friend, were like best mates. i dont fancy him.. and he says he doesnt fancy me.. his feelings for me are 100% friendship. however whenever we are alone together he will sit with his arm round me, or rests his head on me..also, (this bit happens alone and in company, he will like poke or kick my bum, and like poke my boobs, and like i catch him randomly looking at me now and again for no reasn, and, about four times now, in the past 7 months, he has tried to kiss me, and not just a peck.. full on kiss. i dont understand because as i mentioned earlier, he says his feelings for me are 100% friendship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): How can he be a genuine friend, he is a wolf in sheeps clothing awaiting his chance. Wait see the trouble he causes once you get a guy.
good luck
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (25 April 2008):
 This is typical male behaviour, and very confusing if you can't work out what it's all about. Phiatiger has it absolutely spot on when she says "if you offered he would be there in a flash". What he doesn't want is the commitment of a relationship with you.
In part, it's good. You know where you are. He hasn't pretended anything, and it's a great compliment that he wants to be your friend AND he finds you physically attractive. Also, he will quite definitely be jealous as and when you have a "proper" relationship with someone else even though it's not something he wanted himself with you.
So, there a number of ways you can take it. There is always the possibility that he will change his mind and want a relationship with you in the future. If that's what you are hoping for then keep doing just what you're doing now and wait - but it might be a very long wait and it might never happen.
You could sleep with him. It's a very remote possibility that he might turn you down, but most probably not. If you do, you really must not expect it to make any difference. If you do it, then you do it for the enjoyment of it and only for that, not because you expect him to suddenly change and want you forever.
You could accept his friendship for what it is right now - and that would be my recommendation. A friend, a close friend, whose company and whose physical touches, hugs, attentions, you enjoy - and a friend to whom you say "behave yourself!" when he gets a little too physical. Value his friendship, and then you go and find yourself a real boyfriend, hoping that your friendship also lasts - because there are very few real friends in life and it sounds like you have found one of them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): I think that he would like to believe that his feelings are purely friendship but in reality if you offered he would be there in a flash.
You need to decide and make it clear what you want from him. I have a very similar friendship once but it came out that he wanted more. I loved him very much as a friend but made the choice to sleep with him. We are no longer friends and I often wish I could change that. Sex complicates things, on the other hand, if you want more too then go for it but beware that you may lose a great friendship when it ends.
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