A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im so much in love with a guy who is 6 years older than me. He has gone thru a lot in his past with the mother of his child and everytime we fight he tells me that he is scared to commit after all that happened to him in the past and he says he is scared im gonna hurt him. i have gotten to a stage of lettinh go of him coz nomatter how i try i knoe im not gona win his heart i feel he is still in love w his ex. How do i do this? i love him so much i have been hurt a lot before by several pple and im thinking i juss have to let go before i hurt ma self i doubt if this would work. Im trying hard please help im ready to let go i love this guy and watever mekes him happy will surely make me happi rather than waiting till i hurt. Help annonymous.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): I say give him some space. Do your own thing for a while. Don’t make any sudden moves. You know what I mean. Just don't be so available. I am not saying to play games. Just back off. No one likes to feel pushed. He has to come to it on his own. So stand your ground, just play it cool for a while. Back off and see if he comes to you and opens up. If he does be ready to tell him your needs. Be honest when he is ready to listen. And whatever happens - its up to the universe.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Well then just let go. I just hate being d*cked around. One of my biggest pet peeves. I see no point in rehashing things or reliving the past. I have been in love once. And there were no if ands or buts, we simply fell in love...it was awesome. If it doesn't click it just doesn't. Its probably bad timing.
Lucky for you it looks like you guys will remain friends. That's great.
The way I go about breaking up with someone I still care for is to cut all contact. No phone contact. No "accidently" running into him at places you know he frequents. Stay away from places you know he goes to. Be friendly but try to break away from his friends/group, just for a little while until you are getting over it. And keep yourself busy and make sure you are aware that any hope you had is indeed over.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 If you already suspect it may not work BEFORE having ever begun a relationship with this 'fraidy cat guy, then it's probably a very safe bet that it won't work at all, EVER.. Go with your gut feeling, it's usually right. "I'm afraid to commit because I've been hurt" is nothing new. It's man code for: I don't want to commit to you and this is an easy (and lame) way to avoid being honest with you about it. GAME CHANGER ALERT: girl! No one needs a toxic waste dump to try to build a life upon. Don't invite this toxicity into your life. This guy apparently *allows* someone else to impact his life and it doesn't sound like that someone is you! Just say NO.
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