A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i'm Alex, 17 and gay.I met my now best friend about 8 months ago in collage. He is the most amazing person i have ever met, And i fell completely in love with him. For 8 months i have had intense feelings for him, and would do anything to be with him. I love him so so much.About 3 months ago i came out to him. He is completely ok with it and totally comfortable with me being gay. He said that he is 100% straight though. Ok course this hurt loads but i thought its amazing to have a friend that doesn't care and can except me for who i am!The last few months, we've been getting very close. We always hug each other and are very close physically. He plays around with me alot (like slapping my ass, and pretending to grope me and stuff). A couple of nights ago i got really drunk, and came on to him abit. (he was completely sober) he was abit shocked at first but kept hugging me really tightly and really feeling me close to him. I kissed him on the cheek and he looked into my eyes and smiled. Of course this made me fall in love with him even more!! and made me think "maybe i do have a chance with him?"However he is trying really hard to get with girls at the moment. He started getting close to a girl a month ago, but apparently "got rid of her" because she was really annoying, then he went on a date with another girl he said he really liked, but nothing came of that. Recently one of his best friends and him started getting very close, and are now practically going out (although he denies it)My question is: what do i do? I love him so much. I've never felt feelings like this before, i would do ANYTHING to be with him. Its even reaching a point where i'm beginning to feel suicidal. I go extreme lengths just to see his face, Go ridiculously out of my way just to feel his touch. He is my life. Does he love me? Its odd, he shows me affection, gets jealous when i try and move on and get with other people, yet insists that he is 100% straight and is getting real close to a girl. He is my best friend, i cant stay away from him as we see each other all the time. But what do i do, what do i say to him? please help me! :(Alex
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male
reader, groovymoving  +, writes (16 June 2010):
If he was okay with you being gay in the first place, I'd suggest he wouldn't have too much trouble finding out you have feelings for him. I kind of think he would react the same way he would react if a girl told him she has feelings for him.
But what I really want to know is what happened after that evening you mentioned in your followup. So, what happened?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): you know what, I'm a gay too? we have 90% the same situation, I've fallen also to my best friend who i think is straight, the way he treats some girls treats me also the same way. But to tell you, just don't expect that he will fall to you, i mean if he is straight he definitely just treat you a friend, but a special one....the way he treats you now. But if he say he loves you, maybe he is gay.
I know it, because my best friend told me so. I tell him the truth, that i fall for him, and he ask why?...i tell him the truth, the reason that he is so sweet to me and the way he reacts of my flirts,...but he answered me, that, the way he treats me is just a SPECIAL FRIEND ONLY. So special, the reason he did those stuffs to me. It is different from a relationship he is looking for.
If that so happens, don't be sad Alex cause there is also love that binds you two. The love of friendship and respect, and we are lucky to have it, some gays out there are trying to have a good relationship to straight guys like we have, and they're just hoping cause they have none.
Just hold to the friendship, its the only way we get close to straights and have respect and love. Don't ask for more. =)
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A
male
reader, der_zyniker  +, writes (26 April 2010):
I would ask him why he shows you so much affection in the way that he does if he's not gay. If you insists that he is not gay then ask him not to do things like that anymore because if he isn't gay doing those sorts of things are just giving you false hope. Tell him exactly how you feel. I personally love one of my best friends and told him that I was gay and how I felt about him. For the longest time I kept thinking that I might have a chance with him. That false hope only ended up hurting me even more than if I had just accepted the fact that he is straight. But as for your friend, don't commit suicide because you can't have the relationship you want to have with him. If you commit suicide then you won't have any relationship with him at all. If he isn't gay then you have to move on. You can of course still be friends with him,but you are only 17 and look how quickly you found him. If you found him that quickly then I sure you'll find someone who is gay that you love just a much or maybe even more than you love your friend right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, thanks for the answers guys.
To be honest i really don't know what to do. I'm seeing him tomorrow, and i'm going to purposely get very close to him, and see how he reacts, closer than i usually would dare to! I guess this is the way i can find out if he is really interested. He is a very shy person, and never makes the first move with people normally (like if he wanted a hug off a friend, he would wait for them to hug him, and just sort of look at them like he wanted something lol). At least this way i know if there is something there, or to just back off!
thanks :) - alex
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Hi Alex I'm Gay too! If I was you I would tell him how you feel about him and tell him you couldn't help it he's too close to you! If this turns into an arguement tell him why does he slap your arse and smile when you kissed him on his cheek tell him that it's up to him if he wants to ignore you or give a gay relasionship a try! I tell you this from experience with my now Fiance! If it worked for me it will definetley work with you! Good Luck x
P.S. The advice that said to get over him, that is the WORST thing you can Do but then everyone has a different opinion
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): I applaud you for coming out. I know it hurts, Alex, but trust me - in time, you will move on. You need to respect his wishes. You need to step aside for him to be happy. Perhaps it's best if you see less of him. You can still be friends though. Think of what is best for him, and more importantly, what is best for you. Don't get yourself upset over one guy. You sound like a sweet boy, so you ARE going to meet hundreds of other guys.
Best of luck!
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