A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I was in a 9 year relationship and we had lived together for 9 years. We decided to move to another state for his job and I had stayed in our old place until he found an apartment. Well he finally found one and right after I sold my stuff and started to move he broke up with me over text message. He says that he doesn't love me to be in a relationship but wants to be friends. He still texts me and calls me almost everyday and he will say that he loves me some days. Now recently I was hospitalized for 5 days and he calls everyday to see if I have taken my medicine and had came and stayed at hospital with me on his days off. Then he asked the doctors all these questions to make sure I wasn't going to die and he keeps saying that we will beat this together. After I got home from the hospital for the second time he said that he just wants to be single right now. I told him that I will move on then so he stormed out and I haven't heard from him. So what is this all about? People say that he isn't over me because he calls my friend telling her that he isn't seeing anyone and to please reassure me of that. So what does he want?
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broke up, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 June 2012):
 Wow! Dog in the manger...I just learned something new! Sweet! I agree, of course, with something to add:
I would totally not be surprised to hear that there's a third party involved. Meaning, he either is cheating, or he's interested in someone else and wants to make his move. He's keeping you in the wing in case the other woman doesn't make it. Why else would he have stopped you right away from moving to you and broken up via text??
Makes sense that he wants to keep you hanging. He's hedging his bets with this new person.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 June 2012):
Wow! Dog in the manger...I just learned something new! Sweet! I agree, of course, with something to add:
I would totally not be surprised to hear that there's a third party involved. Meaning, he either is cheating, or he's interested in someone else and wants to make his move. He's keeping you in the wing in case the other woman doesn't make it. Why else would he have stopped you right away from moving to you and broken up via text??
Makes sense that he wants to keep you hanging. He's hedging his bets with this new person.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 June 2012):
 I agree with Boonridge: dog in the manger.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (7 June 2012):
 dog in the manger syndrome.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dog_in_the_Manger
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): He wants to be single but also wants to make sure you don't get with anyone else in the off chance that he changes his mind.
As honeypie said you're his fallback. His booby prize. His dating parachute.
Of course he's not over you. 9 years takes a hell of a long time to get over but he obviously doesn't love you anymore because he's left you.
You did the right thing OP by telling him you're going to move on but you have to actually do that. You saw his reaction to that. It's about control for him, you see if he loved you then the thought of completely losing you would have snapped him out of this game but he doesn't so instead he just throws a tantrum because he realises you're not going to be some dumb warm hole he can stick it in when lonely or an idiot who's going to hang around and wait while he enjoys being single.
He made his bed, he hurt you and has done nothing at all to deserve being allowed to keep trying to own and control you.
Move on and cut contact he's not even acting like a good friend.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 June 2012):
 You are his security blanket, in case this being single doesn't work out for him he's got you to fall back on.. TOTALLY unfair. I would tell him (if he calls) that you need a period of NO CONTACT and stick to it.
After 9 year he breaks up in a text? HOW low.
I'm sorry.
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