A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i've been seeing this guy for 6 months. we met at work, he no longer works there. when we worked together i had no interest in him, until a work do one thing lead to another...6 months on there's been a few arguments which we are both to blame for but we worked it out and i gave him second chances as he did me. 3 weeks ago he decided to end the relationship, he said that he couldnt deal with my anger and yes i know i get quite verbal and it's wrong and the things i say are cruel but i really dont mean it. so he broke up with me about a week later i was having drinks with friends and i text him he met us and i was greeted like a girlfriend we spent the evening as a couple would he stayed the night and it was if everything was normal. Sat night we argued on the phone i spent all weekend crying because he said we were still over but i couldnt make sense of what had gone on the night before, he then came over on the sunday and said that he doesnt like hearing/seeing me this upset again we were intimate but said we are over. i couldnt face work on the monday just layed in bed crying on the tuesday i pulled myself together and emailed him accepting what he had decided and told him i'm going to get on doing my own thing and to take care, that was my goodbye. i then got an email back from saying that 2 weeks ago he knew what he wanted but when i'm nice i just confuse him. this email led me to believe that he still wants us. since then there has been lots of calls and texts mainly from me to him but he always responds and spends ages talking to me. he came over last night and we just layed in bed together as if we were a couple but then he told me that we could never be a couple because of my temper. i have said i'll sort myself out as i have been very stressed about work/him etc but he wont give in. today i cant move or forcus on anything but him, he still goes out and gets on with things and i feel like he never gives me a second thought. i am so sad and i want him back and deep down i think he wants us too as he's showing all the signs. please someone tell me what they think i have asked my friends and they all say he's leading me on, but he goes out of his way to see me and still buys me little gifts. i want him so much do i need to just disappear for a while in the hope that he misses me????
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female
reader, vanessa13  +, writes (27 December 2009):
Dear friend;
Sounds to me that you drink a lot, go out a lot, have a lot of friends and have no patience with guys, perhaps I am wrong, if I am , please forgive me,
he likes you
but
BUT
he doesn't like it when you explote in anger,
now, tell me something
do you burst in to anger when you are sober??
or does it only happens when you have a few drinks???
GUYS, are not like us
and they want to find their perfect match.. no matter what.
WE,, normal human beings ( mothers's, girls,, ) we got trained through out centuries to ACCEPT OUR MAN as they are, ,,, angry , jealous, lazy, stupid, cheeaters,, you name it....
but guys nowadyas,, they want to find MRS. RIGHT!!!
If you yell at him,,
it was because you lost your temper,,
NO BIG DEAL,
WE ALL DO,, AND THEY ALL DO!!!!,,,
If he is not capable of seing you down the bottom,, your real soul,,, then is not your fault!!,
NOW ,,HOW DO YOU GET HIM BACK????
Apologize,
for being rude,,
and make him understand of your bad habbits,,
tell him,, that the real you doesnt do that,
and stop drinking and partying,,
and let him get to know the real you..
BUT!!!
MY ADVICE TO YOU IS"
WHY ! do you want a guy that is looking for the first excuse to justify leaving you???
dont you think that you deserve a guy that understand you just had a bad moment? but he loves you so much that HIS love is stronger and he wants to fix things??? ,,and accept you the way you really are??
put it on a balance,,
who do you love more,, HIM,,,,, OR YOU?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): i am so relieved i just logged on! i was about to text him! thank you for the advice its strange because everything you said makes sense. tonight he thinks i've gone a date, when i havent, he said he doesnt want me to go but he cant tell me what to do. i really thought he may have contacted me telling me not to go, but hey, he hasnt so that says it all really. thanks again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Well, you guys broke up for a reason. He is showing signs he wants to keep you around in his life, but I think it is a mistake to be having sex with him while you are broken up....that just prolongs you moving on.
I would give him some space for at least three weeks. Don't initiate any phone calls, stop sending him emails or texts. If he calls you, be friendly, let him lead the conversation and see if he asks you out, no invites for him to come over and lay in bed with you, please.
He is telling you he does not want a relationship with you, he is using your temper as an excuse. But perhaps you are angry because of the way he treats you?
I would start dating, I would start working out, I would start getting busy doing things you enjoy without a second thought to him. When he calls you act happy and be happy and be busy because you are.....let him pursue you again.
If you want to get back together start dating as if you two just met, no sex right away, that is called premature reconcilliation. Just let things happen naturally, if he brings up the break up tell him you don't want to talk about it. Talking about it too soon just reinforces in his mind why he broke up with you. I think your ex feels too much pressure to make you happy because you obviously aren't if you get that angry with him. So show him that you are responsible for your own happiness. Show him that you have boundaries and let him know what behaviors that he does that makes you angry and that you are not going to put up with any of his shit. Don't do this in an angry way, but speak up about how you feel when he is doing something you don't like. Also, by dating other men you are letting him know that you aren't waiting around on him and that he may loose you if he doesn't pay attention. You don't have to rub this in his face but make sure he knows about it....and I am not saying you should sleep around, but date.
And who knows by doing this you may meet someone who doesn't always piss you off and treats you the way you want to be treated.
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