A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:so this problem I had since last week continues. I just want to know what others think regarding this situation. So to summarize relationship between me and him, we first met at a party early this year in the east coast, where he lives. I am in the west coast. Last week, he came westcoast for a business meeting and called me and so far we hung out. Always after hours though since he works during day and have dinner plans everyday with friends here and colleagues. NOW! here is my problem. I have no problem with him spending his time with his friends and colleagues...whoever he wants to hang out with. HOWEVER, there are very few things I am skeptical about him. He msgs me on the phone, telling me how much he wants to see me, and misses me, yet not once he invited me out to dinner with him friends or colleagues. He always vaguely tells me he has plans. He ALWAYS wants to meet me after he spends time with his friends and colleagues. This is somewhat not normal to me, b/c its not couple days, it's everyday! Also its his birthday, and he tells me his friends are buying him dinner the day before and the day of his birthday. What about me? He says he wants to see me after he has his dinner with his friends. Is that normal? Am I being overly stressful at nothing? Obviously I am interested in this guy, and I know where to draw the lines, with him spending his free time the way he wants to, however he only calls me out to hang out after whenever he is done hanging out with his friends, and I was never invited to none of his dinners. If he always says he misses me, why do we never hang out like that? and it's not like his schedule is the only busy one. I go to work, and I go to school, yet I still make time to see him!!! I can't understand how he can tell me he miss me so much, yet act distant everday. I don't know what to make out of this, I am depressed, he is leaving in few days, and I hope to hear more response although my problem took awhile to read. Any input is appreciated.
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (10 September 2008):
 Since he lives on the east coast, he is looking at you as a girl in the west coast he can hang out with. For some fun and if he's lucky..sex.
He does not consider you his girlfriend, so what is the point of introducing you to his friends. he'll rather keep it on the down low because he might even have a girlfriend back home. Either case, this is a red flag. If you want him to want you..then you have to be less available and not be there for him everytime he calls. I know it seems like a game, but men love challenges. So next time he calls, tell him you can't. You have plans already. That will make him reconsider his feelings for you.
whatever case, you have to think long term too. If you are serious, are you willing to move, is he willing to move? ect. Right now is the beginning stages, so if you like him, take it slow. But pay attention to the red flags.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (10 September 2008):
 He doesnt see you two as being in a reltionship, it seems to me that he just wants to hang out later for sex? He is either in a relationship with someone else or just doesnt want one at the moment. The fact that he wont introduce you to his colleagues or have dinner with you is the biggest give away. He texts you to keep you interested for when he does want you.
You can talk to him and ask where this relationship is going but I dont think you will like the answer, maybe its time to move on and find a man who can commit to you x
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